Buhay ni ( Life of ) Chill, Thalia at Alena Anolin

Moving on after a Break-up

2008-12-08T01:28:00.000-08:00





A New Start Did you go through a break-up that left you with a big challenge of moving on? Dwelling on any break-up is not emotionally healthy and keeps you from re-discovering your needs and wants from a relationship. The following tips will help you move on from your break up and guide you into finding love again. Accept the Reality. Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had its time, but has no ran out ways to work. This was a chapter in your life that has now closed and you are now ready to grow and enter another chapter of your life. Learn from It. Everything is a learning experience, so use it your advantage! Look over your relationship and list what went good about it and what went wrong. Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills. Never Generalize. Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal and pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities and personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship. Focus on You. Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved with someone else. Know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well.

Betrayal of Trust..How to let go and move on when someone you trusted burns you bad.

2008-11-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

No matter the type of relationship, be it romantic, friendly, or between parent and child, an essential ingredient is trust. Trust defines every interaction in a relationship, it builds intimacy and it strengthens bonds. Without trust no relationship can thrive. Unfortunately people don’t always cherish trust the way that they should. Because it is often given freely at first it is also easily taken for granted. When trust has been damaged it can spell doom for a relationship and it can be very hard, if not impossible, to earn back.
Whether or not trust can ever be restored depends on how badly it was damaged and how much the spurned person feels betrayed. If you’ve had your trust betrayed then you know how hard it can be to let go, move on and fix the relationship. More often than not the burned person just wants to cut their losses and end the relationship, and who could blame them? But if you do want to repair the damage, if you want to salvage the relationship and rebuild trust, there are some steps you need to follow. While the person who damaged the trust has their work cut out for them in earning it back the person who was hurt also has a job to do. So how do you move past a major burn and put things back on track? It’s hard but it can be done and these three pointers can help.

Let your anger out.
In a quest to save a relationship people who have been hurt often bend over backwards to please their betrayer. Why? Because when we have been betrayed or burned the person who hurts us has sent a clear message that on some level we don’t matter to them as much as they matter to us. In a rebound state of fear of loss this often translates in to the hurt party trying to earn back the other person’s good opinion. It is a knee-jerk reaction and always ends in resentment. The best way to start the healing process is to acknowledge that there has been pain, betrayal and a loss of trust. Once the cards are on the table everybody will have a clearer picture of what they need to do to set things right.
Resolve to let it out and then let it go.
Once you let your feelings out you need to let the incident go. This does not mean blind forgiveness, but there is an element of forgiveness involved in this step. If the person who hurt you apologizes and you accept then you need to never rehash the incident. Doing so will only bring back your anger and keep you in emotional limbo. Don’t bring it up as a weapon. Don’t hold it over the other person every time you feel wronged in the future. Acknowledge that it happened, make your feelings and expectations known, and then stop focusing on what damaged the trust and set your sights on rebuilding. You’re only human, you may slip up and throw the incident in the face of your betrayer and if you do don’t beat yourself up over it, apologize and move on. While this step may seem like letting the person who hurt you get off easy in reality you are making things easier on your self by allowing yourself to be hurt and moving past it.
Know that things can never go back to the way they once were and keep your eyes wide open to future betrayals.
The sad reality is that once trust has been damaged it can’t simply go back to the way it once was, no matter how much both parties may want it to. People who do not value trust enough to respect it in the first place more often than not continue that pattern in the future. This doesn’t mean that it is a waste of time trying to rebuild trust it just means that the new trust has to be different. Call it a more mature trust. While trusting a person who has hurt you isn’t impossible it will never be the same kind of wide-eyed trust we give to people when we first let them in. This is not really a bad thing even though it may seem like a loss. Seeing people for who they really are rather than through rose-colored lenses can be a healthy thing. So when you decide to try to give trust a second chance just know that you will be more sensitive to the prospect of another betrayal and forgive yourself if doubt seeps in without real reason.

Effects of betrayal

2008-11-12T17:58:00.000-08:00

Distress
The most immediate effect of the betrayal of trust is in the emotional impact on the person betrayed. Generally speaking, the greater the trust that you had put in the other person and the greater the impact their betrayal has on you, then the greater the distress you will feel.

A number of different emotions may be felt upon realizing you have been betrayed. The most common is anger although, depending on the situation, you might the fear of loss of the relationship and repulsion at the lack of integrity of the other person.

Loss of trust
When you are betrayed by someone, it is highly likely that you will not easily trust them again. Trust is fragile and can be lost instantly or there is a hysterisis whereby a long-earned trust may be eroded and then suddenly lost.

Justice
When a person feels that they have been betrayed, they may well seek some form of justice, putting right (at least for them) what they feel has been wronged, including their sensibilities.

Note that justice and fairness are different things and vary with context. From a personal view, justice means 'making me feel better'. From a national view, it means carrying out the law, no matter how unfair this may seem.

So what?
So don't get into these situations!! If you betray someone, it is often best to come clean. Accept responsibility for personal failure and personally apologize. Demonstrate how you will fix process failure, and offer compensation.

The alternatives to these recovery actions may cost you much more.

Note: A small betrayal can, in fact, actually help. The way it works is that you fail in a relatively unimportant way, then go overboard in recovery. The message sent is 'we care so much about you even for the small things (so just imagine how much we care about the bigger things)'. Done well, it can actually increase loyalty.

BUHAY NI CHILL THALIA AT ALENA.... WALA NA....

2008-11-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

I tried my best to patch things out with you. I even begged you to stay and not ruin our family because of that asshole HOWELL LABRADOR. Nice name... Name of where our daughter is right now. Ironic isn't it. But really does it really have to end this way? you not giving me a chance? Anyone in this whole damned world I ask says that what I felt and how I reacted was normal.
Have you asked any guy friend of yours how they would feel if their girlfriend had a message from another guy in the SAME compound and same work saying stuff like I MISS YOU!? and not being told about it?
I gave you my trust... I never betrayed yours. Never did I even break that trust even when I was being accused of womanizing by your mom! even when I was living in their house, under plain sight ALWAYS!
Damn... guess this is it though.. You still have not grown up and still have to be reliant on your Famiy's prodding. Haay... hope that you don't find someone else that would be worse than me. Someone that would still trust you.

HERE's the evidence for everyone to see..... Now you, my dear readers be the judge..... Comments are always WELCOME.... please leave your comments.

http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/P7aJ3qz-MEItFG-loio2dg

From kupal

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From kupal

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From kupal

Nice song...

2008-10-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

We'll never know.....

2008-10-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

Tell me all the dreams that you have left
Slip right through your hands
Do you feel lost inside of someone else's life

And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind

I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try

Failure is the only way to learn till you've come undone
The rest will never find out what they might have been

And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind

I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try

So don't tell me sometime just where did we go wrong, yeah

And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind

I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try

2008-09-14T00:53:00.000-07:00

New Gout Drugs - Pegloticase Continues Its Hopeful Path

2008-09-09T05:27:00.000-07:00

Pegloticase is getting closer to an approval application to the US FDA. This new gout drug is tackling harder-to-treat gout patients and there are good indications that, if approved for certain categories of gout sufferers, it will help a considerable number of them.

In May 2008 the U.S. based company developing Pegloticase made another upbeat statement assessment of what they have learnt in its Phase 3 and open label extension trials. Note that Pegloticase still awaits approval from medical authorities so I am writing here about a new gout drug that is still under development.

May 2008 was a good month for gout sufferers. Febuxostat, (EU trade/brand name Adenuric), the first new major drug medication for gout in over 40 years, was approved for marketing in member countries of the European Union.

HOW PEGLOTICASE WORKS

What makes Pegloticase a very interesting, and more importantly, a hopeful new gout drug, is the way it works. All drugs used in gout try to cure or alleviate the disease by reducing the body's uric acid (UA) levels. They do this by either inhibiting its production or making it easier to remove.

In the world of natural gout remedies, uric acid's removal can be improved by making it more soluble. This is achieved by drinking lots of water and by raising body pH levels in various ways.

Pegloticase's answer to the excess uric acid level problem is to remove it by ingeniously converting uric acid into something else, a substance called Allantoin. Allantoin is more soluble and better excreted than uric acid. The principle comes from the way most animals do it. They do it by converting UA to Allantoin, but this is something humans cannot do naturally. Hence the formulation of Pegloticase.

TRIAL SUCCESS WITH DIFFICULT TO TREAT GOUT PATIENTS

Pegloticase is significant because its trials have focused on gout patients who have not had success with other gout drugs, or who have medical conditions which prohibit the use of them. Thus it has been tackling harder-to-treat gout cases, not the easier ones. Hard to treat cases are a significant percentage of the gout sufferer universe.

It has been having a decent degree of success.

Elimination of gout attacks In its most recent statement the developing company's most significant remark was that the extension trial group receiving Pegloticase every two weeks, there were only four gout attacks among those who had been administered Pegloticase (8 mg) every fortnight for two months, in subsequent months.

And none in this group had a gout attack after five months of Pegloticase treatment, in following months. All were patients who had been through a phase 3 trial.

In other patient groups there were reductions in attacks and improvement in tophi reduction. Tophi are those knobbly shaped, awkward looking, lumps of MSU crystals that often develop in longer term gout sufferers. 31% of patients who had not reduced tophi at the end of these phase 3 trials did show tophi reduction in the extension trial. It would seem that the longer a gout sufferer is able to take Pegloticase the more successful it may be, in tophi cases at least.

Other encouraging statements were that all extension trial patients who had responded earlier to treatment and who were on the every two week course maintained normal uric acid levels, (some were new joiners). 70% of those on an every four week course who had responded earlier to treatment, maintained normal uric acid levels.

This suggests that progression of the disease may be contained in difficult-to-treat cases, and therefore may not cause other medical conditions such as kidney stones heart disease and hypertension.

SIDE EFFECTS

Of course Pegloticase has caused side effects, in the extension trial in about 1 in 5 patients. The developing company has said that most were mild, moderate, or controllable. But in some cases more severe side effects have been described as including chest and back pains, muscle cramps, sweating and flushes.

Pegloticase is getting closer to an application for approval by the U.S. FDA. Its developers hope to apply for a Biologics Licence Application in September 2008, and begin marketing it in 2009.

NB. The contents of this article contain medical information not medical advice. Please always discuss gout remedies with your doctor or other health care professional, before implementing any treatment.

John Mepham has lost track of the number of hours he has spent researching natural remedies for gout. His best tip for treating gout? Get to, and stay at, your ideal weight, whatever the sacrifices may be.
Read more about gout remedies at Best gout remedies a website with an emphasis on natural gout treatment.

By John Mepham
Published: 6/24/2008

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

2008-09-07T07:11:00.001-07:00

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

2008-09-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Expressing Anger

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

Anger Management

Are You Too Angry?

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Some simple steps you can try:

Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Problem Solving

Better Communication

Using Humor

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Do You Need Counseling?

What About Assertiveness Training?

When is there a grievance?

2008-09-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

When is there a grievance?

In the technical or restricted sense, there is a grievance when a dispute or controversy arises over the implementation or interpretation of a collective bargaining agreement or from the implementation or enforcement of company personnel policies, and either the union or the employer invokes the grievance machinery provision for the adjustment or resolution of such dispute or controversy.

Other monetary benefits

2008-09-04T08:08:00.001-07:00

Other monetary benefits

13th month pay: 1/12 of the total basic salary earned by an employee within a calendar year. P.D. 851 (Sec. 1)
Holiday pay: Every worker shall be paid his/her regular daily wage during regular holiday. (Art. 94)
Premium pay: Additional compensation for work performed within eight (8) hours on non-working days, such as rest days and special days. (Art. 93)

For work performed on rest days or on special days - plus 30% of the daily rate of 100% or a total of 130%.
For work performed on a rest day which is also a special day - plus 50% of the daily rate of 100% or a total of 150%.
For work performed on a regular holiday which is also the employee's rest day - plus 30% of the regular holiday rate of 200%.

Overtime pay: Additional compensation for work performed beyond eight (8) hours a day beginning at the time an employee actually started working. (Art. 87)
Night shift pay: Additional pay of not less than 10 percent (10%) of his/her regular wage for each hour of work performed between 10:00 in the evening and 6:00 in the morning. (Art. 86)
Service incentive leave: For every employee who has rendered at least one year of service shall be entitled to a yearly service incentive leave of five days with pay. (Art. 95)
Service charges by hotels and restaurants: 85% shall be distributed for all covered employees and 15% for management. (Art. 96)

Other monetary benefits

2008-09-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

Other monetary benefits

13th month pay: 1/12 of the total basic salary earned by an employee within a calendar year. P.D. 851 (Sec. 1)
Holiday pay: Every worker shall be paid his/her regular daily wage during regular holiday. (Art. 94)
Premium pay: Additional compensation for work performed within eight (8) hours on non-working days, such as rest days and special days. (Art. 93)

For work performed on rest days or on special days - plus 30% of the daily rate of 100% or a total of 130%.
For work performed on a rest day which is also a special day - plus 50% of the daily rate of 100% or a total of 150%.
For work performed on a regular holiday which is also the employee's rest day - plus 30% of the regular holiday rate of 200%.

Overtime pay: Additional compensation for work performed beyond eight (8) hours a day beginning at the time an employee actually started working. (Art. 87)
Night shift pay: Additional pay of not less than 10 percent (10%) of his/her regular wage for each hour of work performed between 10:00 in the evening and 6:00 in the morning. (Art. 86)
Service incentive leave: For every employee who has rendered at least one year of service shall be entitled to a yearly service incentive leave of five days with pay. (Art. 95)
Service charges by hotels and restaurants: 85% shall be distributed for all covered employees and 15% for management. (Art. 96)

Muslim holidays

2008-09-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Muslim holidays

Presidential Decree 1083 in its Book V. Title I recognizes the five (5) Muslim holidays, namely:

Amun Jadid (New Year), which falls on the first day of the lunar month of Muharram
Maulid-un-Nabi (Birthday of the Prophet Muhammad), which falls on the twelfth day of the third lunar month of Rabiul-Awwal
Lailatul Isra Wal Mi Raj (Nocturnal Journey and Ascension of the Prophet Muhammad), which falls on the twenty-seventh day of the seventh lunar month of Rajab
Id-ul-Adha ( Hari Raha Haji), which falls on the tenth day of the twelfth lunar month of Dhu'l-Hijja

These official holidays shall be observed in the provinces of Basilan, Lanao del Norte, Lanao del sur, Maguindanao, North Cotabato, Sultan Kudarat, Sulu, Tawi-Tawi, Zambaonga del Norte and Zamboanga del Sur and in the cities of Cotabato, Iligan, Marawi, Pagadian and Zamboanga, and in such other Muslim provinces and cities as may be created by law. Upon proclamation by the President of the Philippines, Muslim holidays may also be officially observed in other provinces and cities.

The dates of Muslim holidays shall be determined by the Office of the President of the Philippines in accordance with the Muslim Lunar Calendar (Hijra).

Presidential Proclamation No. 1198 (26 October 1973) provides as follows:

"All private corporations, offices, agencies and entities or establishments operating within the provinces and cities enumerated herein shall observe the legal holidays as proclaimed, provided, however, that all Muslim employees working outside of the Muslim provinces and cities shall be excused from work during the observance of the Muslim holidays as recognized by law without diminution or loss of wages during the said period xxx."

Considering that all private corporations, offices, agencies, and entities or establishments operating within the designated Muslim provinces and cities are required to observe Muslim holidays, both Muslim and Christians working within the Muslim areas may not report for work on the days designated by law as Muslim holidays.

Muslim employees working outside of the Muslim provinces and cities shall be excused from reporting for work during the observance of the Muslim holiday as recognized by law without diminution of salary or wages during the period. Thus, they are entitled to holiday pay equivalent to 100% of their basic pay if they are present or on leave of absence with pay on
the working day immediately preceding the Muslim holiday while those who are permitted or suffered to work on such holidays are entitled to at least 200% of their basic pay.

HOLIDAY PAY

2008-09-04T08:06:00.002-07:00

Holiday pay in relation to leave of absence

All covered employees shall be entitled to holiday pay when they are on leave of absence with pay. Employees who are on leave of absence without pay on the day immediately preceding a regular holiday may not be paid the required holiday pay if they have not worked on such regular holiday.
Employers shall grant the same percentage of the holiday pay as the benefit granted by competent authority in the form of employee's compensation or social security payment whichever is higher, if they are not reporting for work while on such benefits.
Where the day immediately preceding the holiday is a non-working day in the establishment or the scheduled rest day of the employee, he shall not be deemed to be on leave of absence on that day, in which case he shall be entitled to the holiday pay if he worked on the day immediately preceding the non-working day or rest day.

HOLIDAY PAY

2008-09-04T08:06:00.001-07:00

Holiday pay in relation to leave of absence

All covered employees shall be entitled to holiday pay when they are on leave of absence with pay. Employees who are on leave of absence without pay on the day immediately preceding a regular holiday may not be paid the required holiday pay if they have not worked on such regular holiday.
Employers shall grant the same percentage of the holiday pay as the benefit granted by competent authority in the form of employee's compensation or social security payment whichever is higher, if they are not reporting for work while on such benefits.
Where the day immediately preceding the holiday is a non-working day in the establishment or the scheduled rest day of the employee, he shall not be deemed to be on leave of absence on that day, in which case he shall be entitled to the holiday pay if he worked on the day immediately preceding the non-working day or rest day.

MATERNITY BENEFITS

2008-09-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

A female member who has paid at least three (3) monthly contributions in the 12-month period immediately preceding the semester of childbirth or miscarriage shall be paid a daily maternity benefit of 100% of her average daily salary credit for 60 days or 78 days in case of caesarian delivery. The payment of daily maternity benefit shall be a bar to the recovery of sickness benefit for the same compensable period.
The maternity leave shall be extended without pay on account of illness medically certified to arise out of the pregnancy, delivery, abortion or miscarriage, which renders the woman unfit for work, unless she has earned unused leave credits from which such extended leave may be charged.
The maternity leave shall be paid by the employer only for the first four (4) deliveries by a woman-employee.

IS AN UNMARRIED WOMAN ENTITLED TO MATERNITY BENEFITS?
Is an unmarried pregnant woman entitled to maternity leave benefits?

Every pregnant woman in the private sector, whether married or unmarried, is entitled to the maternity leave benefits.

Are maternity leave benefits included in the computation of 13th month pay?

Maternity benefits, like other benefits granted by the SSS, are granted to employees in lieu of wages and, therefore, may not be included in computing the employee's 13th month pay for the calendar year.

Are voluntary or self-employed members of the SSS entitled to maternity leave benefits?

Voluntary or self-employed members are not entitled to the maternity benefit because to be entitled thereto, corresponding maternity contributions should be paid by employers. Voluntary or self-employed members have no employers so they do not have maternity contributions.

Maternity benefits

Every pregnant woman in the private sector, whether married or unmarried, is entitled to maternity leave of sixty (60) days in case of normal delivery, abortion or miscarriage, or seventy-eight (78) days in case of caesarian section delivery, with benefits equivalent to 100% of the average daily salary credit of the employee as defined under the Social Security Law.

source: DOLE

Lack of sleep may be deadly, research shows

2008-09-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

September 24, 2007 06:39:50 AM PST

People who do not get enough sleep are more than twice as likely to die of heart disease, according to a large British study released on Monday.

Although the reasons are unclear, researchers said lack of sleep appeared to be linked to increased blood pressure, which is known to raise the risk of heart attacks and stroke.

A 17-year analysis of 10,000 government workers showed those who cut their sleeping from seven hours a night to five or less faced a 1.7-fold increased risk in mortality from all causes and more than double the risk of cardiovascular death.

The findings highlight a danger in busy modern lifestyles, Francesco Cappuccio, professor of cardiovascular medicine at the University of Warwick's medical school, told the annual conference of the British Sleep Society in Cambridge.

"A third of the population of the UK and over 40 percent in the U.S. regularly sleep less than five hours a night, so it is not a trivial problem," he said in a telephone interview.

"The current pressures in society to cut out sleep, in order to squeeze in more, may not be a good idea -- particularly if you go below five hours."

Previous research has highlighted the potential health risks of shift work and disrupted sleep. But the study by Cappuccio and colleagues, which was supported by British government and U.S. funding, is the first to link duration of sleep and mortality rates.

The study looked at sleep patterns of participants aged 35-55 years at two points in their lives -- 1985-88 and 1992-93 -- and then tracked their mortality rates until 2004.

The results were adjusted to take account of other possible risk factors such as initial age, sex, smoking and alcohol consumption, body mass index, blood pressure and cholesterol.

The correlation with cardiovascular risk in those who slept less in the 1990s than in the 1980s was clear but, curiously, there was also a higher mortality rate in people who increased their sleeping to more than nine hours.

In this case, however, there was no cardiovascular link and Cappuccio said it was possible that longer sleeping could be related to other health problems such as depression or cancer-related fatigue.

"In terms of prevention, our findings indicate that consistently sleeping around seven hours per night is optimal for health," he said.

Are you The Dangerous Kind ?

2008-09-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

The Most Dangerous Kind of Fat

By Tina Juan

There are two basic kinds of fat in the body – essential and storage fat. Essential fat is found in your liver, bone marrow, heart, lungs, and muscles. Storage fat is found under the skin, which is called subcutaneous fat and around internal organs, which is called internal fat.

Internal fat that surrounds organs like the stomach and intestines within the abdominal cavity is called visceral or intra-abdominal fat. It is also called deep belly fat or central fat.

Visceral fat is what makes a belly hard and firm as if a person swallowed a basketball. Soft tummies that have rolls of bilbil are mostly due to subcutaneous fat.

As unsightly as subcutaneous fat is, visceral fat appears to be more dangerous to your health according to current research. It is the type of fat that is highly associated with an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and some kinds of cancer.

One theory is that visceral fat may release more inflammatory molecules that trigger these diseases than other types of fat. Researchers are still investigating the exact reason why deep belly fat is so hazardous to one’s health.

Waistline Measurement
A CT or MRI scan is the only way to determine accurately how much visceral fat you have. But a simple tape measure may be all you need to determine if your intra-abdominal fat is posing a risk to your health. People most at risk are men with waistlines bigger than 40 inches and women with waists bigger than 35 inches.

Endocrinologist K. George Thampy told the St. Louis Dispatch, “Men with a waist size larger than 40 inches have three times the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol”.

However, scientists don’t really know the exact waistline measurement that will protect your health. So even if your waistline is a few inches smaller than the borderline measurements, it would be safer to reduce it.

Older men and women should keep track of their waistline measurements because they can have large amounts of visceral fat even if they are of normal weight. Why this happens no one is sure but it could have something to do with hormones.

There is a tendency for both men and women to lay down more fat in the abdominal area than other parts of the body as they get older. Postmenopausal women who used to store fat in their hips, buttocks, and thighs end up with thickened waistlines due to an accumulation of visceral fat.

Stress Affects Visceral Fat
People under constant stress have elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which is suspected of playing a role in the accumulation of visceral fat. Another thing that raises cortisol levels is smoking. One study revealed that even lean women had excess visceral fat if they were under stress.

According to Pamela Peeke, a leading researcher in the field of women’s weight issues and the author of “Fight Fat After Forty”, three factors increase visceral fat in women: Poor lifestyle, declining levels of estrogen, and chronic stress.

Exercise Better than Dieting.
Studies indicate that losing weight and exercise are the best ways to reduce visceral fat. Dieting may not be as effective. A study done on obese diabetic postmenopausal women found that dieting alone had no effect on reducing visceral fat. Exercise alone and exercise plus dieting were the reducing strategies that worked. The women walked for fifty minutes three times a week. The researchers recommend walking briskly as if you are late for an appointment.

In another study, doing aerobic exercise classes for 45 minutes five times a week helped overweight postmenopausal women between the ages of 50 and 75 lose 3.4 to 6.9 percent of their visceral fat.

First Fat to be Lost During Exercise.
Many people notice that their clothes fit better after a couple of weeks of exercise even though they have not lost any weight. The standard explanation is that muscles are getting heavier while fat cells are getting smaller. But another reason could be that visceral fat is the first kind of fat to be lost through exercise.

Other studies have also indicated that exercise can improve blood sugar, cholesterol, and triglyceride levels without weight loss. This could also be partly due to the loss of visceral fat through exercise.

Liposuction Does Not Work
Liposuction may seem to be the answer for those who are too lazy to exercise and want the easy way out to get rid of their visceral fat but unfortunately liposuction can only be done on subcutaneous fat.

A liposuction study showed that the operation had no health benefits in terms of improving cholesterol, triglyceride or sugar levels even though several pounds of subcutaneous fat were removed. This seems to confirm the theory that deep abdominal fat is more dangerous to the health than fat closer to the surface.

Experimental Operation
The “omentum operation” is an experimental surgery that is the opposite of liposuction. It has no cosmetic benefits because it does not remove fat under the skin but it may have health benefits because it removes a flap of deep abdominal fat called the omentum.

The omentum makes up about one-third of visceral fat and is the only part that is relatively easy to remove. The rest of visceral fat is deeply embedded in the abdominal cavity and is difficult to surgically remove, according to the surgeons involved in this experimental procedure.

So far, only four patients have undergone the operation at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. A larger study is being planned.

Eat a lot, Exercise a Lot
According to a Japanese study, sumo wrestlers have normal levels of cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar in spite of their large size and voluminous rolls of fat.

That’s because they don’t have much visceral fat due to several hours of exercise daily. Thus, sumo wrestlers have a lower incidence of type-2 diabetes compared to sedentary obese people. This has led Dr. Glenn Gaesser, author of “Big Fat Lies” to note, “The moral seems to be: If you’re going to eat a lot, then exercise a lot too.”

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MOM!

2008-09-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

Damn... Can't wait to go to the province, Pangasinan, and see my mom! She may not be the perfect mom, but darn it, she is the best!
Hope that I could still help her out in one way or the other.
To my mom, ERLINDA CASAS SANJUAN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME INTO THIS WORLD. I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE PAIN THAT I CAUSED. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

SIOPAO PARA SA MGA MAHILIG SA SIOPAO.. CALLING MIKE!!

2008-09-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

A lot of search for siopao recipe has landed on this site. Well, I guess more Pinoys are interested with this kind of business. Proof is stands and carts selling cheap siopao are mushrooming all over because Filipinos love the dimsum. It takes little more than a steamer to start in the business though, but the art of making siopao is the main factor.

This additional post for other preparations and cooking methods will surely satisfy the searcher.

SIOPAO RECIPE - Method #1

Ingredients:

6 cups flour
1 package active dry yeast
1 lb cubed pork loin or chicken thighs
1 cup white sugar
2 teaspoons cooking oil
1 cup lukewarm water
1/2 cup boiling water
6 hard-boiled eggs
2 green onions
4 teaspoons light soy sauce
4 teaspoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons oyster sauce
1 teaspoon cornstarch, dissolved in 2 t. water
2 cloves garlic
3 teaspoons salt
6 teaspoons baking powder

Procedures:

Mix flour, salt and baking powder in a medium bowl, set aside.
In another bowl dissolve yeast in lukewarm water then add 1 cup of the flour mixture.
Mix thoroughly.
Cover with a cloth and let rise 1 hour.
Meanwhile, dissolve the white sugar in the boiling water.
Stir well then let cool to lukewarm.
Pour into the yeast mixture, then add the rest of the prepared flour mixture.
Stir to blend well.
Grease a large bowl.
Turn dough out onto a floured board and knead for 3 minutes-you want your dough smooth, not sticky.
Place ball into bowl, turn once and cover with a damp cloth.
Let rise 2 hours or until doubled.
Meanwhile saute the garlic and onions in a small amount of oil in a wok.
Add meat and stir fry for 1 minute or until meat is no longer pink.
Add soy sauce, oyster sauce and brown sugar.
Pour in the dissolved cornstarch and stir fry quickly until meat is glazed well.
Remove from heat and let cool.
Punch down dough and knead on a floured board for 3 to 5 minutes.
Divide dough and roll each half into a 12×2 inch log.
Cut each into 12 pieces, making 24.
Roll each piece into a ball using your hands then rolling it flat into a 3 inch diameter circle.
Dust with flour if needed to prevent sticking.
Place 1 slice of egg into center of dough round, then 1 T. of filling with sauce.
Gather sides of round, pinch together and twist.
Place pinched side down on parchment paper and place in steamer.
Repeat until done.
Cover with a damp cloth and let rise for 1 hour.
Steam Siopao for 20 minutes.
You can freeze cooked Siopao, simply re-steam for 10 minutes.

SIOPAO RECIPE - Method #2

Ingredients :

3 c. All purpose flour
3 tsps, yeast
1 1/2 c. luke warm water
4 tbsp. Sugar
1/2 c. shortening ( crisco)
1 tsp. salt

Preparation:

Dissolve yeast in lukewarm water.
When dissolved, add sugar and 2-1/2 c. flour to make a soft sponge. Beat thoroughly
Set aside to rise until double in bulk. ( 20 - 30 minutes).
Add remaining flour and 1/4 cup shortening, and mix well. Knead until smooth
Divide dough into 24-36 pieces depending on desired size
Form into balls. Set aside

Filling:

1/2 k pork or chicken (cut into small pieces or coarsely ground) 1 c. onion (chopped)
1 clove Garlic (chopped finely)
3 tbsps. soy sauce
3 tbsp. Hoi sin sauce (can be fine at Oriental store)
3 tbsp. Sesame oil (or crisco is fine)
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp. sugar
1/2 tsp. ground pepper
6 hard boiled eggs (cut in slice or cubes)
1 tsp. MSG (if preferred)
Filling Preparation

Procedures:

Saute garlic, onion in a sesame oil (or Crisco)
Add pork or chicken
Cook till lightly brown
Add water, soy sauce, hoi sin sauce, sugar, ground pepper, (MSG), and corn starch (or corn flour)
Stir until sauce boils
Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 2 minutes
Remove pan from heat
Add hard boiled eggs
Let cool for 5 minutes

Filling the dough:

Take each ball of dough and roll out on floured surface.
Place one round of dough in palm of hand.
Put one table spoon of filling in center of siopao dough.
Press edges of dough together.
Take the 2 ends of bun, bring them up over the pinched edge and twist together firmly.
Cut 12 pieces of greaseproof paper (wax paper) Into 2 inches square.
Brush one side lightly with oil.
Place a bun upside down, so the smooth rounded side is uppermost, on each oiled piece of paper.
Steam siopao dough for 20 minutes.

CHA SIOPAO (Cantonese Style Roast Pork Asado Siopao)Authentic Cantonese siopao from chef Henry Cheung of The Good Earth Restaurant, and his authentic Cantonese, also known as Hong Kong-style, Cha Siopao recipe.

Ingredients:

1-1/2 cup high gluten, high protein, first class or bread flour
1-1/2 cup low gluten, cake flour or third-class flour (use cake flour for whiter dough)
6 g active dry yeast
3/4 tsp baking powder
4 tsp ammonia bicarbonate (to smoothen dough)
1 cup warm water

Procedures:

Combine yeast, ammonia and warm water. Mix flours and make a well. Pour yeast mixture in the center of the well and slowly incorporate mixture. Once the mixture is solid enough to handle, knead until smooth.

Grease bowl and put the dough, cover with cling wrap. Let it rise until the dough has doubled in size. Remove dough from bowl, put on a flat surface and sprinkle with all-purpose flour on top.

Mix baking powder with dough and knead until smooth. Roll dough to 2-inch round and 12-inch long baton/log. Set dough aside.

Cha Siu filling: (roast pork filling, good for 900 g of dough)
400 g Chinese roast pork, diced (available in Chinese restaurants)

Sauce for filling:

3/4 c low gluten flour
1/3 c scallion, chopped
1/3 c ginger root, pounded
3 tbsp salad oil

A.
1 c water
3 tbsp sugar
2/3 tsp chicken powder
1/2 tsp red vinegar

B.
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp Chinese soy sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
2/3 tbsp salad oil
white bond paper cut to size

Sift the flour, set aside. Pour in salad oil in pan and add scallions and ginger, saute. Drain oil. In a bowl, combine flour, scallions and ginger. Put mixture A in a saucepan and bring it to a boil. Take the mixture off the fire and combine with flour mixture to form a paste. Combine roast pork and B together, mix well. Combine A and B. Divide the dough and filling into equal portions and wrap filling in dough. Line with bond paper. Steam over high heat for 15 minutes.

SIOPAO RECIPE - Method #4

Ingredients:

Dough Filling:

3 cups plain flour
1 tbsp baking powder
60 g (2 oz) lard
3/4 cup warm water
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1/2 tsp salt

Filling

1 in piece green ginger
1 clove garlic
2 tbsp oil
1/2 cup water
1 tbsp hoi sin sauce
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tsp sesame oil
3 tsp corn flour
4 shallots
8 oz Chinese barbecued pork

Instructions:

Note: These buns are cooked in steamers available in sets of two or three racks. Chinese barbecued pork can be bought at Chinese food stores, or you can make your own - this is basically tocino - the recipe will come out soon! Be patient.

1. Place peeled and grated ginger, crushed garlic and oil in frying pan, saute gently for one minute. Add hoi sin sauce, oyster sauce, soy sauce and sesame oil, simmer for two minutes, stirring constantly. Add combined water and cornflour, stir until sauce boils; reduce heat, simmer uncovered for two minutes. Add very finely chopped pork, stir until combined. Remove pan from heat, add finely chopped shallots, stir until combined. Allow pork mixture to become complete cold.

2. to make the dough, sift flour, salt and baking powder into bowl. Rub in softened lard until mixture resembles fine bread crumbs. Add combined warm water and vinegar, stir to a soft but pliable dough. Turn out on to lightly flour surface; knead lightly. Cover dough with plastic food wrap, allow to stand for 20 minutes. Knead lightly. Cut dough into 12 equal portions. Roll each portion into a ball.

3. Take each ball of dough and roll out on floured surface to a 4 in circle. Brush edge lightly with water. Place one round of dough in palm of hand. Put one tablespoon of filling in center of round. Press edges of dough together.

4. Take the two ends of bun, bring them up over the pinched edge and twist together firmly. Cut 12 pieces of greaseproof paper into 5in squares. Brush one side lightly with oil. Place a bun upside down, so the smooth rounded side is uppermost, on each oiled piece of paper.

5. Choose a saucepan slightly smaller than the diameter of the steamer. Fill saucepan to about 1/3 full of water, bring to boil. Arrange buns on paper in single layer in steamer. If using steamer with two or three racks, fill remaining racks the same way. Place on top of first rack. Put lid on top. Steam over gently boiling water for 20 minutes.

TIPS IN SIOPAO BUSINESS

Make sure your products are always fresh. Customers want their siopao fresh and hot when served, says Eymard Carandang of Siopao Express. “They can tell the difference, and they’ll come back if your siopao is good.”

Produce only the siopao that you can sell in a day. Siopao is perishable, so it’s a good idea to make only what you can sell. “We produce and deliver siopao to our outlets every day to ensure they’re always fresh,” says Ngan Tian of Lots A Pizza. “If the siopao in the steamer is not sold at the end of the day, you must throw it away,” says Carandang.

Know what your market wants. When Pacita Cheng of Pao Express gave away peanut, mongo, and ube siopao as birthday giveaways, those who received them pushed her to introduce the sweet varieties in the market. Ngan Tian came up with chicken asado siopao for her Muslim customers. “It’s important to come up with products that will suit the market,” she says.

Be consistent. Be careful with your mixing and preparations to produce consistently clean, nutritious , and delicious siopao.

Be careful with blending. The ingredients that you put into your siopao should blend very well with the dough. If not, your siopao will spoil easily.”

Handle your products with care. Steam your siopao carefully so the dough does not get too soggy or too dry. You must check on them every time.

sources: recipezaar.com, answers.yahoo.com, inq7.net, ex-designz.net, pinoycook.net, entrepreneur.com.ph, photo from stii.dost.gov.ph

SIOPAO MADE EASY

Wonderful Vinegar

2008-09-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

Based on the Internet, the following are some tips, hints and ideas on the "Uses of Vinegar".

1. Kill grass on walks and driveways. Pour full strenght on unwanted grass.
2. Deter ants. Spray vinegar around door and window frames, under appliances and along other known trails.
3. Keep cats away. Sprinkle on an area to discourage cats from walking, sleeping or scratching on it.

4. Keep away fleas and mange. Add a little vinegar to your pet's drinking water.

5. Polish car chrome. Apply full strenght.

6. Clean rust from tools, bolts and spigots. Soak the rusted tool, bolt or spigot in undiluted vinegar overnight.

7. Keep car windows frost free. Coat the windows the night before with a solution of three parts vinegar to one part water.

8. Dampen your apetite, Sprinkle a little vinegar on prepared food to take the edge off your apetite.

9. Relieve ithching by using a cotton ball to dab mosquito and other bug bites with vinegar straight from the bottle.

10, Relieve sunburn by lightly rubbing it with vinegar. You may have to reapply.

11. Relieve dry and itchy skin. Add 2 tablespoons to bath water.

12. Fight dandruff, by rinsing with vinegar and 2 cups of warm water, after shampooing.

13. Remove fruit stains from hands. Rub with vinegar.

14. Clean dentures by soaking them overnight in vinegar, then brush away tartar with a toothbrush.

15. Freshen-up the Washing Machine. Clean hoses and unclog soap scum. Once a month, pour one cup of vinegar into the washing machine and run the machine through a normal cycle, without clothes.

16. Take grease off suede. Dip a toothbrush in vinegar and gently brush over grease spot.

17. Remove perspiration stains from clothes by applying one part vinegar to four parts water, then rinse.

18. Unclog steam iron by pouring equal amount of vinegar and water into the iron's water chamber. Turn to steam and leave the iron on for 5 minutes in an upright position. Then unplug and allow to cool. Any loose particles should come out when you empty the water.

19. A mixture of salt and vinegar will clean coffee and tea stains from chinaware.

20. Freshen vegetables. Soak wilted vegetables in 2 cups of water and a tablespoon of vinegar.

21. Boil eggs by adding 2 tablespoons water before boiling. Keeps them from not cracking.

22. Marinating meat in vinegar kills bacteria and tenderizes the meat. Use one-quarter cup vinegar for a two to three pound roast, marinate overnight then cook without draining or rinsing the meat. Add herbs to the vinegar when marinating as desired.

23. Brass, copper and pewter will shine if cleaned with the following mixture. Dissolve 1 teaspoon of salt in 1 cup of distilled vinegar.

24.Deodorize the kitchen drain. Pour a cup of vinegar down the drain once a week. Let it stand for 30 minutes and then flush with cold water.

25. Unclog a drain. Pour a handful of baking soda down the drain and add 1/2 cup of vinegar. Rinse with hot water.

26. Eliminate onion odor by rubbing vinegar on your fingers before and after slicing.

27. Clean and deodorize jars. Rinse mayonnaise, peanut butter, and mustard jars with vinegar when empty.

28. Get rid of cooking smells by letting a small pot of vinegar and water simmer on the stove.

29. Clean the refrigerator by washing with a solution of equal parts water and vinegar.

30. Clean stainless steel by wiping with a vinegar dampened cloth.

31. Debug fresh vegetables by washing them in water with vinegar and salt. Bugs float off.

32. Scale fish more easily by rubbing with vinegar 5 minutes before scaling.

33. Formica tops and counters will shine if cleaned with a cloth soaked in distilled vinegar.

34. No-wax linoleum will shine better if wiped with a solution of 1/2 cup of white vinegar in 1/2 gallon of water.

35. Kill germs on bathroom fixtures by using one part vinegar to one part water in a spray bottle. Spray the bathroom fixtures and floor, then wipe clean.

36. Soap and stain build-up can be removed from chrome and plastic fixtures if they are cleaned with a mixture of 1 teaspoon of salt and 2 tablespoons of distilled vinegar.

37. Clean soap scum, mildew, and grime from bathtub, tile and shower curtains.Simply wipe the surface with Vinegar and rinse with water.

38. Stubborn stains can be removed from the toilet by spraying them with vinegar and brushing vigorously. The bowl may be deodorized by adding 3 cups of distilled vinegar. Allow it to remain for a half-hour, then flush.

39. Clean eyeglasses by wiping each lens with a drop of vinegar.

40. Deodorize the air. Vinegar is a natural air freshener when sprayed in a room.

41. Deodorize a room filled with cigarette smoke or paint fumes. Place a small bowl of vinegar in the room.

42. Cleaning windows by using undiluted Vinegar in a spray bottle. Dry off with newspaper.

43. Plastic can be cleaned and made anti-static by wiping down with a solution of 1 tablespoon of distilled vinegar to 1 gallon of water. This will cut down on the plastic's tendency to attract dust.

44. The colors in carpets and rugs will often look like they have taken a new lease on life if they are brushed with a mixture of 1 cup vinegar in a gallon of water.

45. A mixture of one teaspoon of liquid detergent and 1 teaspoon of distilled vinegar in a pint of lukewarm water will remove non-oily stains from carpets. Apply it to the stain with soft brush or towel and rub gently. Rinse with a towel moistened with clean water and blot dry. Repeat this procedure until the stain is gone. Then dry quickly, using a fan or hair dryer. This should be done as soon as the stain is discovered.

46. Sponging away grease and dirt with a sponge dipped in distilled vinegar will keep exhaust fan grills, air-conditioner blades and grills dust free.

47. Leather articles can be cleaned with a mixture of distilled vinegar and linseed oil. Rub the mixture into the leather and then polish with a soft cloth.

48. Soak a paint brush in hot vinegar, then wash out with warm, sudsy water to soften it up.

49. Patent leather will shine better if wiped with a soft cloth which has been moisten with distilled vinegar.

50. Stubborn rings resulting from wet glasses being placed on wood furniture may be removed by rubbing with a mixture of equal parts of distilled vinegar and olive oil. Rub with the grain and polish for the best results.

Disclaimer: All tips, hints and ideas are used at own risk.

WOODSTOVE PLANS

2008-08-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

Instructions for Building the
MIDGE (Modified Inverted Downdraft Gasifier Experiment)
Materials:
- 55 oz Bush Beans can, or similar.
- 16 oz tomato can, or similar.
- Large tuna can (12oz), or other can, that will fit snugly, in or around the large can.
- 4 each, 10(treads per inch) x 2 inch (length) sheet metal screws.
- 2 Coat hangers or similar stiff wire (pot holder option 1)
- 4 each, 10 x 1 inch sheet metal screws (pot holder option 2)
Tools:
- Hand can opener...the kind that punches a triangular hole in the top of a can.
- Tin snips for cutting the tuna can.
- A nail (3d) or equivalent hole punch.
- Punch or drill for 1/4" holes in the side of a can (I use a single hole paper punch; under a
buck any place that sells stationary).
- Wire cutters ( for pot holder option 1)
- Sharpie marker or similar.
- Gloves to prevent being cut by sheet metal.
Construction Directions................
A. Make the stove parts:
1) Wash the empty cans, and remove the labels.
2) 55OZ can modifications (Cowling).
a. Around the bottom (unopened end), use the can opener to punch five equally
spaced holes into the side. Set the can aside.
3) 16 OZ can modifications (Burner)
a. Turn the can upside down and punch as many holes as you can with a 3d nail. It
needs to look like a sieve when you are done.
b. Using the can opener, punch at least four equally spaced holes into the side at the
bottom. You should end up with one at 12, 3, 6, 9 O'clock positions.
c. Around the top (open end), make about 16, ¼ inch (or about the size a paper
punch makes) equidistant holes around the circumference. Set the can aside.
4) Internal burner stand.
a. Measure the height of the burner. Take this measurement and measure from the
top of the cowling and mark that point on the cowling. This is the level where 4
each, 2 inch sheet metal screws will be screwed through the cowling wall, into the
center of the cowling.
5) Tuna Can modifications (Stove Cap).
a. Turn the tuna can upside down. Place the burner in the center of the tuna can
bottom and trace a circle onto the tuna can. Cut out a hole in the tuna can bottom,
a little smaller than the circle you drew.
B. Construction of the stove
1) Place the burner into the Cowling and center it on the 4 screws.
2) Invert the tuna can, and press it into the outer until it rests on the burner.
C. Options
1. Insulate the outside of the cowling, leaving the air holes at the sides open and
unobstructed.
a. Although the stove will perform smoke free without the insulation, a bluer flame
(cleaner combustion) will result when the stove is insulated. (The insulation
helps retain the heat of the secondary air). The only restriction here is the
insulation of your choosing needs to be able to take significant heat.
2. Windscreen
a. A windscreen helps keep the heat from the stove focused under the pot. Most any
non flammable material will do. I use a disposable cookie sheet, trimmed and
bent into a semi circle for my stove.
3. Potholders (option 1). Potholder option 1 below works the best, but makes the stove
harder to disassemble.
a. Make three of the following: Mark a piece of coat hanger wire 2 inches from the
end. Place this mark over the edge of your bench and bend. Remove from the
bench and continue to bend it 180 degrees. Use pliers if needed.
b. From the bend you just made, mark (the long end of the wire) at 1 inch. Bend the
wire at that mark, 180 degrees the opposite way.
c. Measure 3 inches from the second bend (on the long end), and trim the wire at
this mark.
d. If you bent it correctly, it should look like a flattened out S with a long tail.
e. Place one every 120° with the 3 inch leg inside the can. Then push the cap in
until it seats on the burner. This might take a little shoving.
4. Potholders (option 2) Although this option is simpler for construction, it will leave a gap
between the cap and the burner that kind of defeats the semi sealed secondary air cap; but
I have used it, and can get a 25 minute burn, boiling 2 cups of water for about 15 minutes
of that time.
a. Take 4 each, 10(treads per inch) x 1-inch (long) sheet metal screws and drive
them through the cap from the inside at 12, 3, 6, 9 o’clock positions.
5. Fuel
a. Any dry wood product that is no thicker than a number 2 pencil (the kind you
used in school) will work. My lengths are usually between 1 and 2 inches. Tap
the bottom of the stove on the ground, bench, etc. to settle the fuel as you fill. Fill
up to the secondary air holes in the burner.
i. Fuel ideas; 1x2 inch limber cut down, Twigs, wood pellets
6. Lighting
a. I use 1-inch triangles of the thin campfire starters (“strike a fire” is one brand
name). You should get many triangles from one starter. Place the fire starter in
the center of the fuel and bury it with a little more fuel. Sprinkle lamp oil all over
the top of the fuel and light the starter.
b. The fire will grow a little slowly at first, and then will propagate to a full burn. If
everything is built correctly, gasification will be observed almost immediately
and you will start seeing and hearing the gas light then relight as gas pockets
build up. When the stove gets to temperature, the secondary air at the top of the
burner will mix with the gas and can be seen as flames emanating from the
secondary air holes in the burner section. All things being equal, there should be
a significant amount of blue flame at this point.
c. Your burn times will be 12-15 minutes without a pot on top, and up to 25 minutes
with a pot on top.
7. A word of caution.
a. You are dealing with fire and gas. Be careful please.
b. Because this is not a 100% efficient woodgas burner, there will be CO2 emitted
when the stove is burning the remaining charcoal (after the flame has gone out).
Low levels of tar and soot are produced during the burn that will blacken a pan
but will probably not do much else in the way of harm (assumption on my part).
c. The cowling gets hot!! Take care handling this stove during burns, and
immediately after the flame extinguishes. The cowling shouldn’t char what it’s
sitting on, but may melt plastic etc. Place on a surface that can take heat.
Closing note: How well does this stove gasify?
One of the worst smells I can think of is smoldering cigarette buts. If you want to prove to
yourself how well this little device gasifies, fill it full of old cigarette buts, add a little lamp oil
and light it off. There should be very little smell, if any at all.
Be careful and enjoy stretching the boundaries of gasification.
MIDGE Modification for Primary Air Control
The Parts
On the far right is a plain tapered can. In the middle is a tapered can with holes cut to
be a burner, fit inside a straight can to show the height that is just a little less than the
cowling. The cowling shows at the bottom a piece of steel tubing -electrical conduitsticking
out a little. This tubing goes across the whole stove, going through holes in the
bottom of an assembly like the two cans in the middle. Also seen is the bolt and
washer placed in the tubing, this just sits there and can be pushed in to close off the air.
Another one would be on the other side.
This picture is from the top and shows the straight can held in the middle of the cowling
by the tubing going across. The burner has been removed. You can see the tubing on
one side. It isn’t visible on the other side in this picture, but it is there. The oblong
shape in the middle is actually a hole in the tubing. The white material is sealing the
tubing to the can. I did not have a neat method for cutting a smooth round hole in the
cans for putting the tubing in, I merely cut slits with a razor knife and bent them back to
make a rough hole that was tight on the tubing. The leakage of air around the tubing on
the cowling makes no difference, but the tubing needs to be sealed to the straight sided
can.
The inside diameter of the tubing is 0.62 inches
Hopefully it is plain that air comes in the tubing from the sides, goes into the straight
sided can through this oblong hole, (I made two angled cuts with a hacksaw) and rises
up to the tapered burner jammed into the straight sided can.
And here is the stove all put together, except the other bolt and washer valve, is not
there. Lots of different kinds of valve should work.
Good luck!
Arthur Noll
arthurnoll@onemain.com
Couple of change to the MIDGE
The intent of this modification was to address the concern that there are hot ashes to deal with
when performing multiple burns. So far this configuration will burn at least 4-5 loads without
requiring an ash dump. That’s over an hour of cooking time! All modifications are simply
experimental, but the results so far are promising that these are performance improvements. I
have burned larger diameter sticks and there is less tar production.
The interruption in cooking is minimal if multiple fuel loads are immediately available. At burn
out, shake the unit a little and the ash and coal will drop into the ash holder. Drop in fresh fuel
and relight the top. The coals should be far enough away from the fresh fuel not to ignite it from
the bottom. Secondarily, the hot coals will provide additional preheated air and aid the
buoyancy effects for the secondary air.
I’d like to see some of the group give it a try to see results from various points of view. As
always, take care around fire, and always burn on a non-flammable surface. I accept no liability
for burning down anything with this stove.
Keep on stoving!
CHRIS
Looking from the bottom (top is unchanged), both bottoms have been cut out and ¼ inch
hardware cloth has been shaped and inserted in the base of the burner. The church key tabs
made from the can opener, on the cowling, have been bent down 180°. These rest on the rim of
the ash holder (right), which provides a stable base for the stove.
Ash holder is an additional tuna can, the same size as the burner cap. Lug nut choice was
arbitrary. It’s what I had lying around the shop.
On top of the lug nuts I place the punctured bottom of the cowling I removed previously.
Apologies for the cocked unit, I was obviously rushing; It does actually seat level. This is what it looks like
assembled….
…. and looking down into the stove.

Songs for my bebe---- Sayo lamang

2008-08-24T17:51:00.001-07:00

Sa bawat araw na nilikha
Nagtatanong ba’t di makita
Ang magpupuno ng ligaya
Kapiling tuwing nag-iisa
Sa tuwing lungkot ay magbabanta

Di akalain na ako’y mahalin
Di napansin ng ako’y iyong sagipin
Ng pag-ibig mong tunay
Nawalay ang lumbay
Ngayong kapiling ka sa buhay

[chorus]
Sayo lamang panatag ang loob
Sayo lamang umibig ng lubusan
Panalangin, ito’y panghabang-buhay
Pagkat sa piling mo
Ramdam ng puso ko
Sayo lamang ang buhay ko’y buo

Di akalain na ako’y mahalin
Di napansin ng ako’y iyong sagipin
Ng pag-ibig mong tunay
Nawalay ang lumbay
Ngayong kapiling ka sa buhay

[repeat chorus]

Di ko hinanap
Dumating ang siyang pangarap
Wag ng mawalay pa
Tadhanang kay ganda

[repeat chorus]

Pagkat sa piling mo
Ramdam ng puso ko
Sayo lamang ang buhay ko’y buo

Proposed Divorce Law in the Philippines

2008-08-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

Divorce is a controversial topic, except that it’s often discussed with hushed voices (related discussion here). In 2005, party-list representative Liza Masa of Gabriela filed a divorce bill. In 2001, similar bills were filed in the Senate (Bill No. 782), introduced by Senator Rodolfo G. Biazon, and House of Representatives (Bill No. 878), introduced by Honorable Bellaflor J. Angara-Castillo. In 1999, Representative Manuel C. Ortega filed House Bill No. 6993, seeking for the legalization of divorce. This Congress (14th Congress), Gabriela again filed a bill to introduce divorce in the Philippines. Here’s the explanatory note of House Bill 3461, filed by GABRIELA Women’s Party Representatives Liza Largoza-Maza and Luzviminda Ilagan. Let’s open this topic for discussion by everyone. Let’s avoid name-calling and focus on the merits. If you support or oppose the bill, then perhaps you could talk to your respective representatives in the House.

————————

Underpinning this proposal is a commitment to the policy of the State to protect and strengthen marriage and the family as basic social institutions, to value the dignity of every human person, to guarantee full respect for human rights, and to ensure the fundamental equality before the law of women and men. The provisions of this bill are consistent with and in pursuit of those State policies.

In Filipino culture, marriage is regarded as a sacred union and the family founded on marriage is considered as a fount of love, protection and care. Philippine society generally frowns upon and discourages marital break-ups and so provides cultural and legal safeguards to preserve marital relations. Cultural prescriptions and religious norms keep many couples together despite the breakdown of the marriage. But the cultural prescriptions for women and men differ. Women are traditionally regarded as primarily responsible for making the marriage work and are expected to sacrifice everything to preserve the marriage and the solidarity of the family. While absolute fidelity is demanded of wives, men are granted sexual license to have affairs outside marriage. Yet when the marriage fails, the woman is blamed for its failure.

Reality tells us that there are many failed, unhappy marriages across all Filipino classes. Many couples especially from the marginalized sectors, who have no access to the courts, simply end up separating without the benefit of legal processes. The sheer number of petitions that have been filed since 1988 for the declaration of the nullity of the marriage under Article 36 of the Family Code (commonly known as “annulment”) shows that there are just too many couples who are desperate to get out of failed marriages.

Even when couples start out well in their marriage, political, economic and social realities take their toll on their relationship. Some are not prepared to handle the intricacies of married life. For a large number of women, the inequalities and violence in marriage negate its ideals as the embodiment of love, care and safety and erode the bases upon which a marriage is founded. The marital relations facilitate the commission of violence and perpetuate their oppression. Official figures support this. The 2003 report of the Philippine National Police shows that wife battering accounted for 53.6 percent of the total 8,011 cases of violence against women. About three of ten perpetrators were husbands of the victims. Husbands accounted for 28 per cent of the violence against women crimes. The Department of Social Welfare and Development reported that in 2003, of the 15,314 women in especially difficult circumstances that the agency serviced, 25.1 per cent or 5,353 were cases of physical abuse, maltreatment and battering.

Given these realities, couples must have the option to avail of remedies that will pave the way for the attainment of their full development and self-fulfillment and the protection of their human rights. Existing laws are not enough to address this need. To quote the Women’s Legal Bureau, Inc., a legal resource NGO for women:

“The present laws relating to separation of couples and termination of marriage are inadequate to respond to the myriad causes offailed marriages. Particularly, the remedies of declaration of nullity and annulment do not cover the problems that occur during the existence of marriage. Legal separation, on the other hand, while covering problems during marriage, does not put an end to marriage.”

“Though both divorce and a declaration of nullity of a marriage allow the spouses to remarry, the two remedies differ in concept and basis. A declaration of nullity presupposes that the marriage is void from the beginning and the court declares its non-existence… Beyond [the] grounds specified [in the law], declaration ofnullity is not possible. ”

“In annulment, the marriage of the parties is declared defective from the beginning, albeit it is considered valid until annulled. The defect can be used to nullify the marriage within a specified period but the same may be ignored and the marriage becomes perfectly valid after the lapse of that period, or the defect may be cured through some act. The defect relates to the time of the celebration of the marriage and has nothing to do with circumstances occurring after the marriage is celebrated. In annulment, the marriage is legally cancelled, and the man and woman are restored to their single status. ”

“Since August 3, 1988, couples have been given a way out of failed marriages through Article 36 of the Family Code…The remedy provided under Article 36 is declaration of nullity of the marriage. The article voids a marriage where one party is “psychologically incapacitated” to comply with the essential ofmarital obligations. Consistent with the concept of void marriages (where the remedy is declaration of nullity), the law requires that the incapacity must have existed at the time of the celebration of the marriage In practice, Article 36 has become a form of divorce, as valid marriages are declared void every day in the guise of “psychological incapacity.” The innumerable Article 36 cases brought to trial courts is an indication of the elasticity of Article 36 to accommodate the needs of many couples desiring to terminate their marriages. It is proof that divorce is needed in the Philippines. Article 36 provides a remedy only for spouses who can prove “psychological incapacity”. The concept certainly cannot accommodate all cases where divorce would have necessary. What we need is a divorce law that defines clearly and unequivocally the grounds and terms for terminating a marriage. That law will put an end to the creative efforts played daily in courtrooms across the country to accommodate a wide range of cases in order to prove “psychological incapacity.” (Women’s Legal Bureau, Inc., The Relevance of Divorce in the Philippines, 1998)

Thus, this bill seeks to introduce divorce as another option for couples in failed and irreparable marriages.

This bill was crafted in consultation with women lawyers and inspired by the studies and inputs of various women’s groups and the experiences of spouses gathered by GABRIELA from its various chapters nationwide.

The bill seeks to introduce divorce in Philippine law with a strong sense of confidence that it will be used responsibly by Filipino couples. This confidence stems from the experiences of Filipino families that show that separation is usually the last resort of many Filipino couples whose marriage has failed. Cases of battered women also support this. Battered women invariably seek separation only after many years of trying to make the marriage work; separation only becomes imperative for them when they realize that it is necessary for their and their children’s survival. Divorce could actually provide protection to battered women and their children from further violence and abuse. With the predominance of the Catholic faith in the Philippines, the fear that divorce will erode personal values on marriage appears unfounded. The experience of Italy, where the Vatican is located, and Spain, two predominantly Catholic countries which practice divorce, supports this. Those countries have a low rate of divorce. Italy registers a 7% rate while Spain registers 15%. The figures reflect the strong influence of religious beliefs and culture on individuals in deciding to terminate marital relations.

Historically, divorce had been part of our legal system. In the beginning of the 16th century, before the Spanish colonial rule, absolute divorce was widely practiced among ancestral tribes such as the Tagbanwas of Palawan, the Gadangs of Nueva Viscaya, the Sagadans and Igorots of the Cordilleras, and the Monobos, Bila-ans and Moslems of the Visayas and Mindanao islands. Divorce was also available during the American period, starting from 1917 (under Act No. 2710 enacted by the Philippine Legislature), and during the Japanese occupation (under Executive Order No. 141) and after, until 1950. It was only on August 30, 1950, when the New Civil Code took effect, that divorce was disallowed under Philippine law. Only legal separation was available. The same rule was adopted by the Family Code of 1988, which replaced the provisions of the New Civil Code on marriage and the family, although the Family Code introduced the concept of “psychological incapacity” as a basis for declaring the marriage void.

In recognition of the history of divorce in the Philippines, the framers of the 1987 Philippine Constitution left the wisdom of legalizing divorce to the Congress. Thus, the 1987 Constitution does not prohibit the legalization of divorce.

This bill is respectful of and sensitive to differing religious beliefs in the Philippines. It recognizes that the plurality of religious beliefs and cultural sensibilities in the Philippines demand that different remedies for failed marriages should be made available. For this reason, the bill retains the existing remedies of legal separation, declaration of nullity of the marriage and annulment and only adds divorce as one more remedy. Couples may choose from these remedies depending on their situation, religious beliefs, cultural sensibilities, needs and emotional state. While divorce under this proposed measure severs the bonds of marriage, divorce as a remedy need not be for the purpose of re-marriage; it may be resorted to by individuals to achieve peace of mind and facilitate their pursuit of full human development. This bill also seeks to make Philippine law consistent in the way it treats religious beliefs with respect to termination of marriage. Philippine law through the Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines (Presidential Decree No. 1083 [1977]) allows divorce among Filipino Muslims, in deference to the Islamic faith which recognizes divorce. Non-Muslim Filipinos should have the same option under Philippine law, in accordance with their religious beliefs.

The bill proposes five grounds for divorce. All the five grounds are premised on the irreparable breakdown of the marriage and the total non-performance of marital obligations. Thus, the bill provides that a petition for divorce may be filed when the petitioner has been separated de facto (in fact) from his or her spouse for at least five years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable, or when the petitioner has been legally separated from his or her spouse for at least two years at the time of the filing of the petition and reconciliation is highly improbable.

Not all circumstances and situations that cause the total breakdown of a marriage could be defined in this proposed measure. Thus, the bill also provides that divorce may be granted when the spouses suffer from irreconcilable differences that have caused the irreparable breakdown of the marriage. Spouses living in a state of irreparable marital conflict or discord should be given the opportunity to present their marital contrarieties in court and have those differences adjudged as constituting a substantial ground to put an end to the marriage.

Another ground for divorce included in the bill is when one or both spouses are psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations. This provision will consequently repeal Article 36 of the Family Code. The bill seeks to include “psychological incapacity” in the grounds for divorce in the belief that the concept is consistent with the termination of marital ties rather than with a void marriage.

The bill seeks to eliminate “condonation of the act” and “consent to the act” as grounds for denying a petition for legal separation and, by extension, a petition for divorce. Many spouses especially women ignore the offense because of the social and economic conditions they are in. Many women in the marginalized sectors tend to condone the offense because they are economically dependent on their spouses or because of the stigma attached to failed marriages. Some women who are perceived to be condoning the acts of their husbands actually suffer from the cycle of spousal abuse such that they have become so disempowered to address their situation.

Under this proposed measure, a decree of divorce dissolves the absolute community or conjugal partnership of gains. The assets shall be equally divided between the spouses. However, this bill also proposes that in addition to his or her equal share in the assets, the spouse who is not gainfully employed shall be entitled to support until he or she finds adequate employment but the right shall only be effective for not more than one year. This provision is meant to address the economic deprivation or poverty that many women experience as a result of a marital break-up.

The bill also proposes that the custody of any minor child shall be decided by the court in accordance with the best interests of the child and their support provided in accordance with the Family Court provisions on support. Actual, moral and exemplary damages shall be awarded to the aggrieved spouse when proper in accordance with the provisions of the Civil Code on damages. The proposed measure also provides that parties shall be disqualified from inheriting from each other by intestate succession. Moreover, provisions in favor of one spouse made in the will of the other spouse shall be revoked by operation of law.

The Philippines and Malta are the only two remaining countries in the world without a divorce law. This bill is being introduced based on indications that Philippine society is ready for the legalization of divorce.

The sanctity of marriage is not based on the number of marriages existing but on the quality of marital relationships. When a marriage is no longer viable, divorce should be an option.

Thus, the approval of this bill is urgently requested.

Computation of pay for holidays: Regular, special non-working, special working

2008-08-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

One of the more confusing matters, for employees and HR people alike, is the computation of holiday pay, complicated by the fact that there are different “kinds” of holidays. This is cleared by Memorandum Circular No. 1 of the Department of Labor and Employment (DOLE), the full text of which is reproduced and discussed below.

MEMORANDUM CIRCULAR NO. 01
(8 March 2004)

Pursuant to the provisions of the Labor Code, as amended in relation to the observance of declared holidays and in response to the queries received every time a Presidential Proclamation or a law is enacted by Congress which declares certain days either as a regular holiday, a special day or a special working holiday, the following guidelines shall be observed by all employers in the private sector:

1. For regular holidays as provided for under EO 203 (incorporated in EO 292) as amended by RA 9177:

New Yearâ€™s Day - January 1
Maundy Thursday - Movable Date
Good Friday - Movable Date
Araw ng Kagitingan - April 9
Labor Day - May 1
Independence Day - June 12
National Heroes Day- Last Sunday of August
Bonifacio Day - November 30
Eidul Fitr - Movable Date
Christmas Day - December 25
Rizal Day - December 30

the following rules shall apply:
1. If it is an employeeâ€™s regular workday
* If unworked - 100%
* If worked
o 1st 8 hours - 200%
o excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on
said day

2. If it is an employeeâ€™s rest day
* If unworked - 100%
* If worked
o 1st 8 hours - plus 30% of 200%
o excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on
said day

2. For declared special days such as Special Non-Working Day, Special Public Holiday, Special National Holiday, in addition to the two (2) nationwide special days (November 1, All Saints Day and December 31, Last Day of the Year) listed under EO 203, as amended, the following rules shall apply:

1. If unworked
* No pay, unless there is a favorable company policy, practice or collective bargaining agreement (CBA) granting payment of wages on special days even if unworked.

2. If worked
* 1st 8 hours - plus 30% of the daily rate of 100%
* excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on said day

3. Falling on the employeeâ€™s rest day and if worked
* 1st 8 hours - plus 50% of the daily rate of 100%
* excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on said day

3. For those declared as special working holidays, the following rules shall apply:

For work performed, an employee is entitled only to his basic rate. No premium pay is required since work performed on said days is considered work on ordinary working days.

Please be guided accordingly.

Anyway, if you still don’t know it yet, one of the more helpful government websites is that of the DOLE. It boasts of useful features such as the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs), and, to my delight, a fully functional email-query system.

To test the email-query system, I sent a query regarding holiday pay for regular holidays falling on the employee’s rest day (in this case, 29 April 2006, Araw ng Kagitingan). In an hour or so, I received a reply. Here’s my e-mail:

Gentlemen:

I write in connection with DOLE Memorandum Circular No. 01, which provides a summary of an employee’s entitlement to holiday pay for regular, special working and special non-working holidays.

As stated in said Circular, if a regular holiday falls on an employee’s rest day and it is UNWORKED, the employee receives 100% of his/her daily salary. This, however, has caused confusion because some MONTHLY-paid employees believe that they are entitled to an additional payment of one day. This is exacerbated by the news item which appeared on 7 April 2006 on your website (”DOLE issues Araw ng Kagitingan pay rules“), which states that “[i]f the day falls on an employee’s rest day and is unworked, he or she is paid on that day. xxx” Kindly clarify that there should be a distinction between monthly-paid and daily-paid employees, as the former is deemed paid for the entire month, even on regular holidays.

Your usual prompt action on this matter is highly appreciated.

Here’s the reply:

Dear Mr. Pamaos:

Good afternoon.

Anent your query, MONTHLY PAID EMPLOYEE refers to one who is paid his wage or salary for every day of the month, including rest days, Sundays, regular or special days, although he does not regularly work on these days.

DAILY PAID EMPLOYEE refers to one who is paid his wage or salary only on the days he actually worked, except in cases of regular holidays wherein he is paid his wage or salary even if he does not work during those days, provided that he is present or on leave of absence with pay on the working day immediately preceding the regular holiday.

As distinguished from monthly-paid employees who are assured of being paid for every day of the month, the provision of the Labor Code on holiday pay is principally intended to benefit a daily-paid employee who is normally bound by the principle of “no work no pay”. Before the advent of the Labor Code, they are not paid for unworked regular holidays.

We hope that this answers your query.

Please be informed that our opinion on the matter is strictly advisory and may not be invoked in any court of law or before any administrative body.

Thank you for writing.

Legal Service, DOLE

By the way, please note that the opinion contained in the reply is merely “advisory” and, for one reason or another, you may not necessarily agree that it’s correct.

Nevertheless, credit must be given where it is due. Congratulations to the DOLE’s electronic portal team.

(Added: Please note that Congress enacted R.A. 9492, rationalizing the celebration of national holidays. Here’s the list of 2008 holidays.)

Get Rid of Mosquitos: The Homemade Style

2008-08-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Authorities say that during this time of summer, Dengue fever is on its high. This is because water catch basins such as canals are on a still making it favorable for mosquitos to reproduce more. The heat also helps the mosquito eggs mature faster.

Here are some homemade ways to help protect yourself and your love ones against these blood sucking insects:

Mosquito Bites
• Apply lime juice diluted with water on bites with cotton ball.

Mosquito Control
• Dispose of unwanted tin cans and tires.
• Clean clogged roof gutters and drain flat roofs.
• Flush sump-pump pits weekly.
• Stock ornamental pools with fish.
• Change water in birdbaths, fountains, and troughs twice a week.
• Clean and chlorinate swimming pools; when not regularly used, they should be emptied.
• Turn over unused wading pools and other containers that tend to collect rainwater.
• Cover containers tightly with window screen or plastic when storing rainwater for garden use during drought periods.

Plant Against Mosquitos
• The castor bean plant. Seeds available from any nursery. Plant in pots within the house; replant outdoors. Decorative and they grow like weeds!

Mosquito Bite Repellant
• Four parts glycerine, 4 parts alcohol, 1 part eucalyptus oil. Or make a solution of equal parts of isopropyl alcohol and methyl phthalate.

Homemade No Cook Cat Food

2008-08-19T09:23:00.001-07:00

Here is a quick recipe for No Cook Homemade Cat Food:

Ingredients:
• Raw Ground Meat of your choice (no pork or rabbit, please!)

• Any combination of healthy vegetables, such as cauliflower, broccoli, leafy greens, red or green cabbage, zucchini, beets, etc. Never use onion, tomato, eggplant, potato or spinach.

• If you have a coffee grinder, keep the eggshells from your morning omelet and whir them up into a fine powder. It adds calcium.

Instructions:

1. Mix one pound (or any fraction) of raw ground meat with one cup (or any fraction) of water.

2. Add four tablespoons of eggshell powder, if you have it.

3. Chop the vegetables as finely as possible.

4. Mix the meat and vegetables in an approximate ratio of two to one.

5. Add hot water until it is stew-like. If your cat takes vitamins, add them last.

6. Let the cat eat it up. Meow!!! Meow!!! (Says "Thank you")

LOVE LADDER--- A Love story

2008-08-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world… It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple’s home for the last 50 years.Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin…

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality .

In the beginning, life was harsh as hey had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, ‘Are you regretful? Liu always replied, ‘As long as we are industrious, life will improve..’

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, ‘My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother’s convenience, although she doesn’t go down the mountain that much.’

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife’s hand even after he had passed away.

‘You promised me you’ll take care of me, you’ll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?’

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband’s black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the “love ladder” and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

APARTMENT HUNTING AT IT'S FINEST!

2008-08-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's no joke looking for a new place to stay in Manila. Mas mahirap pag malapit sa trabaho since madami din nagrelocate na families dahil sa Work.
I was able to speak 0r rather chat with this lady who posted an ad on behalf of her landlord out of the goodness of her heart. ( bihira na ganitong tao ngayon. Lahat halos nagpapabayad. ) Anyway, she basically answered all my queries, patiently at that, and was even able to provide me a sketch of the place. well Anyway, hope that I am able to like this place so that I wouldn't be moving around again. Haay..... till then, I'm off in search of Cheap, nice places for me my daughter and yaya..
Wish me luck!

Gheebah (Gossip, Backbiting)

2008-08-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

Living in non-Muslim societies, it is easy for us to fall into the habits and customs of these lands. We start to set our moral compasses in relation to theirs. Sometimes, we go so far as to think that if what we are doing is better than what they are doing, its acceptable. While this may be true in a society of honorable people, in this society where the woman who wears a one-piece bathing suit instead of a bikini is considered modest, we can not use them to set our compasses.

We have to set our standards much higher. They have to correspond with the teachings and understandings of Islam. Also, we have to recognize that when it comes to morality and values, Islam is the standard. Want to know a prime example? Ever heard of the Golden Rule? It says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sound familiar? It should, the Prophet stated the same basic thing. He said,

Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 1, Book 2, Number 12.

What about the statement, " If you can't say something good, say nothing at all." Here it is in our beloved Prophet's words.

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (or insult) his neighbor..." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 482.

All this goes to preface the idea that we have to care about each other in a way that is in line with Islam, not the lessor standards of the non-believers. Let them follow us. When we think of gheebah (gossip, backbiting), most of us think that this is the speech as defined by the non-believers - saying something negative about someone - whether truthful or not. But Islam has given it a stronger definition:

Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: Do you know what is backbiting? They (the Companions) said: Allah and His Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) know best. Thereupon, he (the Prophet) said. "Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner that he does not like." It was said to him, "What is your opinion about this that if I actually find (that failing) in my brother which I made a mention of? He said, "If (that failing) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you in fact backbiten him, and if that is not in him it is a slander. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6265, Abu Dawud, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, others...

and

Al-Muttalib ibin Abdullah said, "The Messenger of Allah said, 'Gheebah (gossip, backbiting) means that a man mentions about a person something which is true, behind his back."(Al_Suyuti, Zawa'id Al Jami from the report of al Khara'iti in Masawi Al Akhlaq. Malik reported something similar with a Mursal Isnad as mentioned in Al-Sahihah, No. 1992)

Just imagine the high standards that Islam has set, that this horrible sin is not even confined just to the oral or written statement.

Hasan Ibin Al Makhaariq reported that "Once a woman visited Aisha and when the woman got up to leave, Aisha made a sign with her hand indicating to the Prophet that the woman was short. The Prophet immediately chastised her, saying, "You have backbitten!" (Ibin Jareer tafseer Al Quraan al AdHeem, vol. 4, p. 328)

and

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: I said to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him): It is enough for you in Safiyyah that she is such and such (the other version than Musaddad's has:) meaning that she was short-statured. He replied; You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it... Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4857:

Here we can see that Gheebah (gossiping, backbiting) is also what we do that a person may dislike if done in reference to them.

This is a serious sin. I know it is easy to underestimate its worth, but Allah has warned us about it in His Glorious Book,

O you who believe! Avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful. 49:12

Allah described backbiting as an act of eating our brothers or sisters flesh. But don't think of this as only metaphorical. Our beloved prophet proved this to us in one of his great miracles.

Ubaid, the freed slave of the Prophet, reported that someone came to the Prophet and showed the Prophet two women who were fasting and said that they were dying of thirst. The Prophet turned away silently refusing to give permission for them to break their fast. So, the man begged him again, mentioning that the women were on the verge of death. The Prophet then said, bring them to me and bring along a bowl. When they turned to him, he turned to one and told her to vomit in the bowl. She complied, spitting up a mixture of vomit, blood, pus and pieces of flesh which half filled the bowl. He then turned to the other and had her do the same. After the bowl was filled, he said, "Verily these two have fasted from what Allah has made halal for them and broken their fast from what Allah has made haram. They spent their fast eatting the flesh of others." Ahmad

These women gave up food and drink - halal substances, and instead partook of the flesh of their brothers and sisters. So distasteful was this fare that it made them sick to the point of near death. Subhanallah!

Further, our scholars have warned us and have warned us to repent from it: Al Qurtubi said, "The scholars agree that it is a major sin, and that the committing of this sin necessitates repentance (tawbah) to Allah" (Al-Qurtubi, Tafsir of Surat Al Hujirat).

The Prophet has warned us of great punishments which may befall us as a result of committing this sin:

Narrated AbuBarzah al-Aslami: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: O community of people, who believed by their tongue, and belief did not enter their hearts, do not back-bite Muslims, and do not search for their faults, for if anyone searches for their faults, Allah will search for his fault, and if Allah searches for the fault of anyone, He disgraces him in the open for everyone to see, even if he hid it in the innermost part of his house. Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4862, Sahih Sunan Al Tirmidhi (1655), Ibin Hiban, Hasan by Al Albani, Ghaybah al-Muram, 420

See, we talk about others, exposing them and Allah gives us a taste of our own medicine - exposing us. Which of us has no secret which would harm us if exposed? Who among us can afford to risk this punishment? Allah Protect us form his Wrath.

We have to be very careful. Remember, on the day of Judgement, Allah may forgive us the sins we committed against Him, but He will not take away our rights as individuals. A person will have the right to take our good deeds or even give us their bad deeds because of crimes we have committed against them. One of these crimes is gheebah, where we sacrifice the honor of our brothers and sisters.

Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (the Prophet) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6251

Let's reflect on this. Here we are. We thought we were doing good. We prayed. We fasted. We worked hard on doing good deeds. Yet, there we will be on the day of Judgement. We will have survived all of the horrible trials, the judgement, the bridge and the huge thorns which snatch us according to our deeds and throws us into Hell. (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 577). We will have been through all this, only to lose all our good deeds because we could not or would not control our tongue.

On this day, we will stand there and be asked by those whom we harmed for their rights. A person whom we have backbitten may take that one crucial deed that means Heaven or Hell. How many deeds can you afford to GIVE away? Personally, I don't feel that I can spare one. Subhanallah! On this day, the mother will drop her load. Your mom will not know you or care about you! Your mother! The Prophets will be saying, "I am not fit for that" The Prophets, what chance do you or I have??? We must not give ourselves so much credit that we actually have the gall to believe that we can afford to give away even one deed. Allah protect us all.

This is a major sin that we have to guard against. We can not allow ourselves to fall into it. Allah warns us that nothing will be hidden on that day. We will have even our limbs speaking against us or for us:

Allah says,

On the day when their tongues and their hands and their feet shall bear witness against them as to what they did. 24:24

And Our Prophet warns us to be careful of our tongues, what we say. He also encouraged us with the rewards we get for doing so.

Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 481:

and

Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) said: The servant (whose fault) Allah conceals in this world, Allah would also conceal (his faults on the Day of Resurrection. Muslim: Book 31, Number 6266

and

Narrated Uqbah ibn Amir:: Whoever covers the faults of believer is like one who has brought to life a female child buried alive. Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4873

Mashallah. The rewards are so great. We should be so careful in this matter to avoid the punishment and to receive the great blessings.

There are a few situations where it is allowed for us to talk about something, but these are limited. Here are a few allowed situations:

Marital advice or protection from possible harm: Fatimah bint Qays went to the Prophet seeking marital advice when both Muawiyah Ibin Abu Sufyan and Abu Jahm had proposed to her. The Prophet told her, "Muawiyah is stingy and tight fisted) and Abu Jahm beats his women." So marry Usamah instead. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, At Tirmidhi, An Nisai, and Ibin Majah

Complaint: Narrated 'Aisha: Hind, the mother of Mu'awiya said to Allah's Apostle, "Abu Sufyan (her husband) is a miser. Am I allowed to take from his money secretly?" The Prophet said to her, "You and your sons may take what is sufficient reasonably and fairly."Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 34, Number 413:

Seeking advice from someone who has the power to help: Abu Hurayrah narrated that a man said, ""O Messenger of Allah! I have a neighbor who is harassing me." He said, "Go and put your belongings on the street." So, the man went and put his belongings on the street. People gathered and asked, "What's wrong with you?" He said, "I have a neighbor who is harassing me; I told the Prophet about it and he told me to go and put my belongings in the street." The people began to say, "O Allah Curse him! (about the neighbor). the neighbor heard about this so he came to the man and told him, "Go back into your house, by Allah I will not disturb you again." Bukhari: Adab Al Mufrad 124 (Al Mundhiri classified its isnad as Hasan in Targhib wal Tarhib)

Now, once we have seen this, we have to reflect upon it. What if we have committed gheebah, what should we do? Well, Al Nawawi said, "The Ulama have said that if you have committed Gheebah, then ask forgiveness for it. Commenting on this, Shiekh Al Albaani said, "This is if you do not fear any worse evil to result from askinf him for forgiveness; otherwise, it is enough to pray for him.' (Gossip and its adverse effects on the Muslim Community, Husayn Al Awayishah, 76).

So, how do we repent from this awful deed? We have to first ask Allah to forgive us and make a decision to not repeat it. Then, we go to the person, if possible, and ask them to forgive us. Remember, Allah will forgive us his right, if we ask sincerely, but He will not remove a right from a believer. So we must ask the believer for his forgiveness as well.

One last note: What shall we do if we are in a situation where others are backbiting? We have to first remember Allah, and have them do so as well by advising them nicely. If this does not work, we must leave, because sitting there and listening is as bad as doing the deed. For the scholars agree that a person who is in attendance when a sin is being committed is as guilty as the ones who are committing the sin. Your presence is a kind of approval of the deed. If your friends are angry with you for not participating in their sins, they are not really friends. Why would they want to harm you? Your deen? or hurt your chances to get to Paradise? Also, remember in doing so, you are protecting the honor of your brother or sister, and look to the reward of doing so:

The Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will deflect fire from the face of one who defends his Muslim brother's honor in the latter's absence." At Tirmidhi

O Allah! Guard our tongues. O Allah! Guard our actions. O Allah! Forgive us our sins against You and ease the hearts of those we have harmed so that they too will forgive us. Ameen

The Evils of Backbiting Sheikh Muhammad Ismâ`îl al-Sayyid Ahmad

2008-08-18T05:58:00.003-07:00

Backbiting – mere words – but they are words that bring upon the one who utters them shame and ignominy and that consign him to the Fire. Such a person has given in to his vain desires and succumbed to his destructive tendencies.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6477) and Sahîh Muslim (2988)]

A Muslim utters a word whereby he describes his brother Muslim in a negative way – either explicitly or implicitly – and it plunges the speaker into clear and evident loss. And what could be a greater loss than for a person to say something that does nothing for him but rob him of his blessings and of the rewards for his good deeds? Then, if his good deeds run out, the sins of the one he has backbitten are taken from that person and foisted upon the speaker until he is hurled by them into Hell.

A Muslim utters a mere word upon his tongue thoughtlessly, without any consideration, and without thinking that he will be taken to task for it. Indeed, it is something about which many people are heedless.

Once Mu`âdh b. Jabal, the illustrious Companion, asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) to inform him of some good work that would admit him into Paradise and distance him from the Hellfire. The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned to him the virtues of many good deeds, then said: “Shall I inform you of the foundation of all of that?”

Mu`âdh said: “Certainly.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) took hold of his own tongue and said: “Restrain yourself from this.”

Mu`âdh then asked: “O Prophet of Allah! Are we held to task for the things that we say?”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “May your mother be bereaved of you, O Mu`âdh! Does anything topple people headlong into the Hellfire save the harvests of their tongues?” [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (2616) and Sunan Ibn Mâjah (3973)]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever can guarantee to me what is between his two lips and what is between his two legs, I can guarantee for him Paradise.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6474)]

The Prophet (peace be upon him), when he said “what is between his two lips” was alluding to the words that a person speaks. To guarantee it means to only speak what Allah is pleased with. When he said “and what is between his legs” he was alluding to sexual relations, meaning that the person guarantees that he will not engage in any unlawful sexual activity that is prohibited by Allah.

Backbiting can be defined as the utterance of words whereby one mentions his fellow Muslim in a bad way or mentions him in a manner that he would be displeased with. It is called backbiting because a person generally berates another person in that person’s absence.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) defines backbiting in the following way, and his definition is preferred over any other:

He said: “Do you know what backbiting is?”

They said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.”

He said: “It is to mention about your brother something that he would dislike having mentioned about him.” [Sahîh Muslim (2589)]

Al-Nawawî comments [al-Adhkâr]:

Mentioning about your brother something that he would dislike includes what concerns his body, his religious practice, his worldly station, his physical appearance, his moral character, his wealth, his parents, his children, his spouse, his servant, his clothing, his activities, his smiles and frowns and anything else that pertains to him. It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture… This includes the likes of saying “O Allah, pardon us all!” “O Allah, forgive us!” “Allah keep us safe!” All of this is backbiting.

The Prophet goes on in the same hadîth to explain the difference between backbiting and slander. He said: “It is to mention about your brother something that he would dislike having mentioned about him.”

Someone enquired: “O Messenger of Allah! How do you see it if what I said about him is true?”

He replied: “If what you said about him is true, then you have backbitten him. If what you said about him is false, then you have slandered him.” [Sahîh Muslim (2589)]

Slander is a false statement of enormous sinfulness deserving of severe punishment. Allah says: “And those who malign believing men and women undeservedly bear upon themselves the guilt of slander and a manifest sin.” [Sûrah al-Ahzâb: 58]

Al-Hasan al-Basrî said: “Backbiting has three manifestations, all of which are discussed in Allah’s Book. They are: backbiting, tale-telling, and slander. As for backbiting, it is to say about your brother something that is true about him. Tale-telling is to say something that you have heard about him. Slander is to say about him what is not true.”

The prohibition of backbiting

Backbiting is prohibited in Islam. This is a point of consensus among all Muslims, as mentioned by al-Nawawî. Al-Qurtubî says that it is agreed upon that backbiting is a major sin, because of the severe threats of punishment levied by the Qur’ân and Sunnah against the one who perpetrates this sin.

The evidence prohibiting backbiting is considerable.

Evidence from the Qur’ân

1. Allah says: “O you who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would abhor that. And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Hujurât: 12]

Ibn `Abbâs comments on this verse, saying: “Allah prohibits backbiting a believer with the least thing, just as he prohibits eating carrion.”

Abû Ya`lâ discusses the comparison that this verse makes between backbiting and eating carrion, saying: “This emphasizes just how prohibited backbiting is. Eating the flesh of the dead is severely proscribed. It is also something for which people have a natural abhorrence, and people should have the same loathing for backbiting as they have for eating such flesh.”

2. Allah says: “O you who believe! Let not some men among you deride others who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Evil is a bad name after faith.” [Sûrah al-Hujurât: 11]

Ibn Kathîr, in his commentary on this verse, says about Allah’s words nor defame one another:

Sneering and defamation of people is condemnable and accursed behavior. Allah says: “Woe to every sneering defamer.” [Sûrah Humazah: 1] Sneering is carried out through one’s actions and defamation is carried out through one’s words.

Al-Shinqîtî says: “Sneering is by way of action, like rolling one’s eyes or making a show of contempt or derision. Defamation takes place by way of one’s words and includes backbiting.”

3. Allah says: “Woe to every sneering defamer.” [Sûrah Humazah: 1]

We have already discussed its meaning. We should note that he verse starts off by proclaiming woe upon those people. The Arabic word used here is wayl. It is a word that implies a threat, conveying the meaning of debasement, punishment, and perdition. Wayl is also the name of a valley in Hell that Allah has set aside for sinners who are obstinate in their sinfulness and for unbelievers who are also wanton sinners.

4. “Neither obey thou each feeble oath-monger; detractor, going about with slander.” [Sûrah al-Qalam: 10-11]

Al-Shawkânî describes the “detractor” mentioned in the verse to mean one who goes about backbiting people.

Ibn Taymiyah says about this verse: “(It tells us) that the liar and oath-invoker are not to be obeyed, telling us by implication not to conduct ourselves in the same manner. Indeed, prohibiting the acceptance of the words of those who exhibit shameful moral conduct is a more eloquent and emphatic reprimand than to merely prohibit the conduct itself.”

Evidence from the Sunnah

1. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Your blood, your property and your honour are sacred to you like the sacredness of this day in this place in this month.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1741) and Sahîh Muslim (1679)]

Ibn al-Mundhîr makes the following observation: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) had prohibited backbiting in his farewell address to his followers, linking its prohibition to the prohibition of transgressing against another’s life or property. Then he emphasized how prohibited it is by declaring its prohibition to be as the sacredness of the sacred land and the sacred month.”

2. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “One of the greatest of the major sins is to stretch out one’s tongue without right against the honor of a Muslim.” [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (4877)]

3. `Â’ishah relates that she said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “It should tell you enough about Safiyyah that she is short.”

To this he replied: “You have said a word that if it was to be mixed with the water of the sea, it would contaminate it.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (2502) and Sunan Abî Dâwûd (4875)]

Al-Mubârakfûrî, in his commentary on this hadîth, writes: “It means that backbiting, if it were something that could be mixed with the water of the sea, it would noticeably contaminate it in spite of the vast and copious amount of water that the sea contains. How then is it going to be when it is mixed with our paltry good deeds?

4. Two Companions once criticized a man who had been punished for committing adultery. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was traveling and he passed by the carcass of a donkey. He said: “Where are those two people? Get down and eat from the flesh of this donkey!”

They said: “O Prophet of Allah! Who would eat this?”

He said: “What the two of you have recently done by defaming the honor of your brother is far worse than eating from this.” [Sunan Abî Dâwûd (4428)]

Some words of the Pious Predecessors

`Amr b. al-`Âs, while traveling with his companions, once passed by the dead, rotting body of a mule and said: “I swear by Allah, it is better that one of you should eat from this until he fills his stomach than for him to eat the flesh of a Muslim.”

Ka`b al-Ahbâr said: “Backbiting nullifies a person’s good deeds.”

Al-Hasan al-Basrî said: “I swear by Allah, backbiting is swifter in consuming the religion of a Muslim than a gangrenous infection is in consuming the human body.”

Sufyân b. `Uyaynah said: “Backbiting is worse than a debt. A debt can be paid out, but backbiting cannot.”

`Ali b. al-Husayn once heard two people engaged in backbiting and said: “Keep away from backbiting, for it is the broth of the mongrels among people.”

Reasons why people fall into the sin of backbiting others

1. Weakness of faith and impiety make a person likely to speak thoughtlessly and carelessly and transgress against others when he speaks.

When `Â’ishah was accused of impropriety, her co-wife Zaynab bint Jahsh was asked about her. Zaynab said: “O Messenger of Allah! I safeguard my hearing and my sight. I know nothing but good.”

`Â’ishah later commented: “She was my rival among the wives of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). Allah restrained her by way of her piety.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (2661)]

2. Another reason that people participate in backbiting is on account of the company they keep. They backbite people to please their peers and acquaintances. Allah says, conveying to us the words of the denizens of Hell: “We used to speak in vain with those who speak in vain.” [Sûrah al-Mudaththir: 45]

3. Another reason is hatred, enmity, and envy towards others. Ibn Taymiyah says: “Some people are inspired by envy to backbite, and in doing so, combine between two ignoble traits: backbiting and envy.”

4. Love of the world and the pursuit of status and power make people backbite others. Fudayl b. `Iyâd said: “No one has ever loved leadership without envying, transgressing, tracking down the faults of others, and loathing to hear anyone else mentioned in a good way.”

How to rid ourselves of this ignoble trait

1. We can protect ourselves from speaking ill of others by cultivating our fear of Allah and our sense of shame before of our Lord. This can be achieved by reflecting often upon the verses of the Qur’ân and the hadîth of our Prophet (peace be upon him) that speak about Allah’s punishment, that encourage us to repent, and that warn us against evil deeds.

Allah says: “Or do they think that We do not hear their secrets and their private counsels? Indeed we do and our messengers are by them to record.” [Sûrah al-Zukhruf: 80]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Feel shame before Allah as you ought to feel shame before him. So guard the head and what it contains, guard the stomach and what you put in it, and think upon death and returning to dust.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (2458)]

2. We can reflect upon just how much we lose every time we utter some bad words about another person.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) once asked his Companions: “Do you know who is bankrupt?”

They replied: “The person among us who is bankrupt is the one who possesses neither money nor provision.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The one who is bankrupt from among my followers is he who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, charity, and fasting to his credit. However, he had insulted this person, struck that person, and seized the wealth of another, on account of which his good deeds will be taken from him. Then, if his good deeds are exhausted, the sins of those whom he wronged will be taken from them and foisted upon him and then he will be cast into the Fire.” [Sahîh Muslim (2581)]

3. A beneficial remedy that can help us to rid ourselves of this evil habit is to reflect upon our own shortcomings and work to improve ourselves. If we preoccupy ourselves with our own faults, we will not find time to worry about the faults of others. We should fear that if we speak about someone else’s shortcomings, that Allah might punish us by afflicting us with the same.

Al-Hasan al-Basrî said: “We used to remind one another that whoever faults his brother on account of a sin and he had repented for it will be punished by Allah by falling into it himself.”

Abû Hurayrah said: “One of you sees the dust in his brother’s eye but fails to see the crud in his own.”

4. Keeping to the company of righteous people and avoiding bad company helps us to avoid backbiting.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a person carrying musk and another who works the bellows. The person carrying musk might give you some of it or at the very least you will enjoy the pleasant scent. The person with the bellows will either singe your clothing or at least make you suffer from the bad smell.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (2101) and Sahîh Muslim (2628) and the wording is that of Muslim]

Al-Nawawî writes, commenting on this hadîth: “It discusses the virtues of keeping the company of the righteous and people who carry out good works and possess good manners… It prohibits us from the company of people who engage in bad deeds and innovations, those who backbite others, and those who are habitually sinful and idle.”

5. A person who has a habit of backbiting others needs to make a firm and determined resolution to stop.

We can look at the example of Rasûl b. Wahb who said: “I swore an oath that for every time I backbite someone, I would fast a day. This just wore me out, since I would backbite and fast. Then I resolved that for every time I backbite someone, I would spend one silver coin in charity. Then, for the love of money, I gave up backbiting.”

The Evils of Backbiting Sheikh Muhammad Ismâ`îl al-Sayyid Ahmad

2008-08-18T05:58:00.001-07:00

Mentioning about your brother something that he would dislike includes what concerns his body, his religious practice, his worldly station, his physical appearance, his moral character, his wealth, his parents, his children, his spouse, his servant, his clothing, his activities, his smiles and frowns and anything else that pertains to him. It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture… This includes the likes of saying “O Allah, pardon us all!” “O Allah, forgive us!” “Allah keep us safe!” All of this is backbiting.

Sneering and defamation of people is condemnable and accursed behavior. Allah says: “Woe to every sneering defamer.” [Sûrah Humazah: 1] Sneering is carried out through one’s actions and defamation is carried out through one’s words.

How a Musim defends his brother's honor?

2008-08-18T05:49:00.000-07:00

Islam is a religion of peace, love and compassion. Lies, unjustified suspicion, backbiting, slander and gossips are totally alien to Islam. In fact they are considered amongst the most destructive of major sins.

This is so because these sins sow enmity and discord among the Muslim community (Ummah) and lead to its destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household, and between neighbors, friends and relatives.

Islam states that our relationship with mankind should be one of sincerity and responsibility. It should be one where we have respect for the honor, reputation and privacy of others. This beautifull relgion teaches us that we are not only held accountable for our own attitudes and actions but also for anything else over which we have control or influence over, in our society or the world around us.

Those who worship Allah should care for each other in every way; the Muslim community should sustain best moral values of the faith: Mercy, compassion, fear of Allah, piety, and justice.

Allah ordered Muslims to defend, help and stand by each other,

"strong against unbelievers but compassionate amongst each other"[Qur’an 48:29].

A Muslim is required to defend his brother when someone talks about him behind his back. In Islam, Muslims should not do injustice to others nor do they tolerate any injustice to themselves.In their love and concern for each other, all Muslims are like one body, as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

“when any part of the body suffers, the whole body feels the pain”.(Sahih Muslim)

Allah has promised for the one who defends his absent brother with a great reward and promised to protect him from the fire.

Abu Ad-Darda narrated that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

"The one who rebuts another from backbiting has protected himself from the fire."

Defending (Rebutting) backbiting is a characteristic of a believer. Allah says in the holy Qur’an:

(And when they hear Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: "To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.)(28:55)

The believer knows that the devil wants to destroy him because he rejects backbiting by rebutting it. If he cannot change the topic of conversation he should dislike it in his heart and leave the gathering, remembering Allah's saying:

(...And if Shaitan(evel) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zalimun (unfair, wrong-doers,etc..)(6:68)

Also, Prophet Muhammad advised Muslims to love each other, he said:

"...no one believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."(Muslim)

Islam teaches us that if people are being ridiculed or backbitted in our presence, we should defend their honor. If we neglect this, we shall deprive ourselves of ever needed help and mercy from God. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

“If a man's Muslim brother is slandered in your presence, and you are capable of defending him and you do so, God will defend you in this world and in the next. But if he fails to defend him, God will destroy him in this world and the next.”(Baghawi).

Backbiting & Slander - an Islamic perspective

2008-08-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

And why did you not, when you heard it, say? "It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to God, this is a most serious slander" (Quran 24:16)
A commentary on one of the most destructive of major sins

Islam is a religion of peace, love and compassion. Lies, suspicion, back biting, slander and gossip are totally alien to Islam. In fact they are considered amongst the most destructive of major sins. This is so because these sins sow enmity and discord among the Muslim Ummah and lead to its destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household, and between neighbors, friends and relatives.

Islam demands that our relationship with mankind should be one of sincerity and responsibility. It should be one where we have respect for the honor, reputation and privacy of others. Islam teaches us that we are not only held accountable for our own attitudes and actions but also for anything else over which we have control or influence over, in our society or the world around us.

Verses: Let's see what the Quran states about backbiting and slander - This is the Book, in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear God. (2:2)

God has forbidden the believers from backbiting

O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God, verily, God is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49: 12)

When we reflect deeply over this assimilation it should be enough to keep us away from backbiting!

Do not treat the issue of Backbiting & Slander with indifference because it is a great sin

Behold, you received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things which you had no knowledge; and you thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of God (24: 15)

Many of us back bite and gossip without thinking. We think it is minor matter, however God reminds us to be careful and even though we think we are doing something little it is in fact very big in the sight of God!

God teaches us to speak out against Slander and try to put a stop to it

And why did you not, when you heard it, say? "It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to God, this is a most serious slander" (24:16)

Many people are so busy spreading the slander they hear that they do not even stop to think if it is true or not.

Shaitan (Satan) wants us to use our tongue to create conflict and hatred

Say to My servants that they should only say those things that are best, for Satan does sow dissensions among them, for Satan is to man an avowed enemy. (17:53)

Are we falling into Shaitan's (Satan's) trap? We can all analyze ourselves.

Hadiths: Let's see what Prophet Muhammad said about Backbiting in the hadiths. God states in the Quran - You have indeed in the Messenger of God an excellent pattern of conduct. (33:21)

The definition of Backbiting & Slander

Prophet Muhammad said :"Do you know what backbiting is?" They said, "God and His Messenger know best." He then said, "It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike." Someone asked him, "But what if what I say is true?" The Messenger of God said, "If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him." (Muslim)

We should guard our tongue from sins and use our limbs in acts of obedience

Prophet Muhammad said : "Who protects his tongue from unlawful utterances and his private parts from illegal sexual intercourse, I shall guarantee him entrance into Paradise." (Bukhari and Muslim)

The definition of the best muslim

"I asked the Messenger of God : Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of God replied, "He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands." (Muslim)

Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is also a form of backbiting.

We need to beware of the slipping of our tongues

"When man wakes up in the morning each day, all parts of the body warn the tongue saying, ‘Fear God as regards us for we are at your mercy; if you are upright, we will be upright and if you are crooked, we become crooked.’" (At-Tirmidhee)

Summary

Backbiting and slander is so widespread that it has become the topic of people’s meetings and an avenue for expressing their anger, misgivings and jealousy. Those who indulge in backbiting are oblivious of the fact that they are only harming themselves. This is because of the fact that on the Day of Resurrection both the wrongdoer and the wronged will stand before God, Who is the Just Judge, God will then give this wronged person from the good deeds of the person who wronged him in accordance with his wrong by backbiting.

Some situations allow us to inform others of what someone has done. It is allowed for us to inform the authorities when someone does injustice to us or others. It is allowed for us to inform someone who can help a perpetrator from committing further vice. It is also permissible for us to tell whoever seeks our advice on a person for business dealings or marriage. In this case it is not allowed for us to hide what we know about the person so that the enquirer will not be deceived. All these types of speaking about others are lawful.

Islam teaches us that if people are being ridiculed or backbited in our presence, we should defend their honor. If we neglect this, we shall deprive ourselves of ever needed help and mercy from God - If a man's Muslim brother is slandered in his presence, and he is capable of defending him and does so, God will defend him in this world and in the next. But if he fails to defend him, God will destroy him in this world and the next. (Baghawi). What will we do the next time we are tempted to backbite or hear slander in our presence? Right now the choice is ours!

We ask God the Most High, the All Powerful, to teach us that which will benefit us, and to benefit us by that which we learn. May God grant blessings and peace to our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.

The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

2008-08-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

Chapter 6
The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

2 “For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 “Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” - II Timothy 3:2-5

“Dead Faith”

The new gospel of today that has come in allows a man to go on leading the same old Christless and godless life, while he professes to be a Christian. In spite of the sinful life he is living, in spite of the wicked state of his heart, he retains a certain shell or outward form of religion. He may still go to church, may still say his prayers, may still read his Bible, may still attend communion, may still teach his Sunday School class, may still preach in his pulpit-but there is no real, vital reality about it at all, because Christ is not there. There has been no vital change worked in his heart by the Holy Spirit!

You see, this false gospel denies the power of the grace of God to break the power of sin in the sinner’s life in salvation and also to keep the redeemed soul walking in a pathway of righteousness and true holiness. So not knowing this power, the professing carnal Christian gives himself over to the lust of the flesh under the guise of “liberty,” and goes on producing the same old fruits of the flesh that he did before he made a decision or profession. His profession of being a Christian is nothing but a thin veneer, a thin clothing of Christianity; there is not vital, life-giving power that sets the sinner free to follow Christ in a life of self-denial and holiness.

“Faith without works is dead” (James 2:26). Our Lord told the church at Sardis: “I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead” (Rev 3:1). Yes, the carnal Christian is still spiritually dead, and even though his preacher will surely preach him into heaven when he dies, he will surely be in hell! These are those described in II Timothy 3:5: “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” And they that teach this false gospel know nothing about the power of our Almighty God to save, break the power of sin, and set the captive soul free to walk in newness of life in Christ, which is a life of holiness. That’s why their converts bring forth the fruits listed in the preceding verses of II Timothy 3:

1 “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 “For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 “Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 “Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” - II Timothy 3:2-5

Fruit of the True Gospel

First, by way of contrast, we see the fruit which the true Gospel produces in the heart of God’s child, when we behold the likeness of Christ. The power of the gospel works in the life of the repenting, believing sinner, setting him free from the power and tyranny of sin, and producing in him the reign of righteousness, so the saved soul can then walk in newness of life by the indwelling Holy Spirit. Yes, God’s child is changed into the likeness of Christ, as the Holy Spirit produces the changed life of holiness, separating the saved soul from a life of sin and setting him apart for the holy use of God. All of this is done by the power of the Holy Spirit, which is called progressive sanctification (II Cor 3:17,18).

And now the fruit of the Spirit is produced in the saved soul, described in Galatians 5:22 as “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.” Also by His divine power there are given to every child of God “exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust” (II Peter 1:3). And we are each one kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation till we are taken home to be with our blessed Lord for ever and ever (I Peter 1:4).

So you see, by His Gospel all we need for time and eternity is given us in Christ, and faith lays hold on the unbroken Word of God and daily overcomes sin, Satan, and the world-”Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us” (Rom 8:37). These are the fruits produced by the true Gospel in the heart of God’s children!

Their Behavior Is All Wrong

Now let us consider the fruits of those who have been deceived by the false gospel of carnal Christianity as they are described in II Timothy 3. First, we will see that their behavior is all wrong; second, that their opinion is all wrong; and third, that their affection is all wrong. In verse 1 we are told, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.” Then verses 2-4 give a description of the fruitage of this false gospel of carnal Christianity. How do we know this? Because in verse 5 comes the astounding words that all of those spoken of in the preceding verses have “a form of godliness,” but that they deny the power thereof; and we are instructed, “from such turn away.”

Yes, it seems strange to speak of such a thing as piety or godliness in connection with the sort of persons described in these verses; but we find indeed that the Holy Spirit has been speaking of those who have their names upon some church roll. They have a “form of godliness,” but they are pagans masquerading as Christians! So we see that their behavior is all wrong.

The Word says they are “blasphemers,” that is, abusive and foul mouthed in their speech and conversation. Is this not a true description of these days in which we live? Do we not hear loose language abound in so many places among those who claim to be saved? Yes, everywhere we turn today there is lying, swearing, and filthy language spoken even by so-called Christians! This fact reveals the true state of many hearts? Yes it does, for “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh”! (Matt 12:34). In salvation, the Holy Spirit cleanses your heart, thus delivering you from being a foul-mouthed individual.

Next they are described as “disobedient to parents.” We have never lived in a day when such a sin is so widespread. Yes, this is evident world-wide. Children and young people have no regard for the fifth commandment which reads: “Honour thy father and thy mother”; or its counterpart in Ephesians 6:1-3 which reads, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

Yet even though they stand out in rebellion against their parents, children and young people who have made a decision for Christ are told that they are saved, just because they have made a decision.

Let me warn you right here: no such child or young person is saved, but is indeed lost; because when God saves a soul, He breaks the power of sin and the spirit of rebellion in that heart and life! And God does not save children any different than He saves the middle-aged and the elderly-it must be by the power of His Holy Spirit. They must be awakened to their lost condition, because Christ came to seek that which was lost. So I must warn you and tell you the truth in love: Every child and young person whom God has ever saved has been given the spirit of obedience.

Then we see in our text that these converts of the false gospel of carnal Christianity are “unthankful.” This age is characterized by unthankfulness; and that among those who claim to be saved. The majority of so-called Christians today are oblivious of any fondness of God or man, and take everything for granted. They have no use for God while things go well, but only use Him as Someone to blame when things go wrong. This is a sin that marks our day.

And why is it among so-called Christians? Because they have denied the power of God in salvation to break the power of sin. They have preached and heard a gospel that allows them to sin; but they have not heard the gracious Gospel of Christ, which teaches deliverance from the bondage of sin and death.

Thanksgiving is a fruit of the Spirit and surely should be exercised daily and hourly by the people of God; we have so much to be thankful for! Our lives are filled with one deliverance after another, and one providential leading after another, which should give rise to prayers of thanksgiving to our living God! We are commanded: “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (I Thess 5:18). “Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving praise to His name” (Heb. 13:15). So unthankfulness is a fruit of the flesh which characterizes the carnal man.

Another word given here describing the fruit of those adhering to this false doctrine of carnal Christianity is the word “unholy,” which means irreverent. Surely this is one of the most prevailing features of these last days: irreverence for the Bible, Christ, God, and all that is holy. These are all made the butt of many jokes, and some so-called Christians laugh the heartiest of them all. Why? Because they have no sense of sin, and no love for God, His Christ and His Word; all they have is a “form of godliness.” They have flatly denied the power of God in His Gospel to save, keep, and deliver from sin. But if there is one word which characterizes a child of God, it is the word “saint”-a holy one, a person who is being made in the image and likeness of Christ. This is the reason God saves us-to make us holy, saintly, like Christ (Eph 1:4; Rom 8:29; II Cor 3:17,18).

The next word used to describe the fruit of these carnal Christians is “trucebreakers.” This word means relentless-those who are gong to gain their end, becoming utterly careless of their word or pledge. They will press on their way, no matter what it costs, saying that the end justifies the means. Where do you go today to find a man whose word is his bond?

My dear man, my dear woman: How have you treated those vows which you took at the marriage altar? Have you been a trucebreaker, breaking your marriage vows by being unfaithful to your husband or your wife? The sin of adultery is rampant today, and this is the breaking of the marriage vows; so if you are guilty of this sin, you are marked before God as a trucebreaker!

The next expression used to describe the fruit of these carnal Christians is “false accusers.” This means backbiting, unkindness, gossiping, never attempting to find out whether the thing be true or false. Or it could be expressed as scandal-mongering-starting a scandal on someone so as to benefit your own end. But my friend, be sure your sin will find you out! God hates a gossiper, declaring He will punish those that stir up strife among the brethren (Prov 6:18-19; Phil 2:3). Yet those who teach this false gospel of carnal Christianity say that it is just your flesh doing this: “So don’t be alarmed about it-did you not make a decision?” They say: “Surely you are saved, and all will be well by and by. Sure you might miss some millennial or eternal reward, but that does not really matter, does it?” But God says of such a gospel, and of such a people: “from such turn away.”

Again, we see from II Timothy 3:3 that these false professors are “incontinent,” which means without self-control. So anything goes-liquor, wine, beer, sex, or pleasure-“If I want to do it, let me do it; I’m saved and under grace.” Or they say about anger, “Just let me get it off my chest; let me blow my top, or spit out venom; let me tell them off, its OK, I have liberty.” Yes, liberty to go to hell!

Oh my friend, the liberty which God gives in the true Gospel is a liberty to walk in holiness; and the opposite fruit of these incontinent carnal Christians is the fruit of the Spirit called “temperance.” This is self-control, and walking in meekness and kindness.

Further, these deluded souls are described a “fierce.” This means savage, especially in the tongue, inflicting wounds that break hearts, blast hopes, and ruin lives. But how can any soul claim to be saved, who lashes out against his mother or sister or pastor with vengeance because they’ve crossed his path, indulging in the fierceness of his tongue? If this is your heart and tongue, you are not saved! You have been deceived by the false gospel of carnal Christianity! You know nothing of Christ and His love, because this love has never been shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Spirit. You need to be born again; you need a new heart and a new nature.

When God saves you, He breaks the power of sin in your life. He gives you a new heart to love Him and your neighbors. He gives you His divine nature so you may worship Him in Spirit and in truth. He gives you the mind of Christ, so you will follow after righteousness and true holiness. He gives you His Spirit to indwell you, to fill and to overflow you, and to work God’s glorious and gracious salvation in you by His mighty power!

You have new desires, new hopes, new ambitions, yes, a new life. “Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (II Cor 5:17). For as Titus 3:3 tells us: “We...were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But after that the kindness and love of God our Savior toward man appeared,” we left the old life and now walk in newness of life in Christ Jesus! Now by His grace, we yield our members as instruments of righteousness unto God. Why? Because He has redeemed us by His wondrous love, by His blood and power; He has delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of His dear Son, setting us free to follow Christ in the liberty of the Gospel of grace. Now we have a new song, and praise unto our God, who has taken us from the miry clay of sin, giving us a hatred for sin, self, the world and Satan, and has set us upon the Rock, Christ Jesus!

Be not deceived by the god of this world into believing that you can have heaven when you yet stay chained to your sins and your hateful way! Your only hope, you who are caught in this false gospel, is to honestly face your true condition and lay down your arms of rebellion in repentance, turning to Christ by faith, and pleading with Him for mercy for your never-dying soul, based upon His redemptive work for you.

Another of these fruits of carnal Christianity in II Timothy 3 is-“traitors.” This means that the unsaved religious professor is really treacherous, undependable, and has no real conviction of the truth; therefore he denies the truth of saving grace. This word describes those who have no sense of loyalty to Christ, to His cause, His true Gospel, or to His church (His true people). Their loyalty is only to themselves, to “number one.”

The next expression is the word “heady,” which means headstrong, reckless-taking the “bit in one’s teeth” or taking the “reins in his hands.” Here again we see the result of the false gospel of carnal Christianity that says a person like this is saved! He takes the bits in his teeth and becomes entirely heedless of what is right, or of the rights of others or the consequences of what he does. His way at any cost is what matters. And how many heady, headstrong individuals there are today in religion, who never take God into an account of their lives! Their wills have never been broken and they have never taken the blame for their condition before God; therefore they know nothing about Christ and His salvation.

What a distressing picture II Timothy 3 shows, as it reveals the fruitage that is so wide spread today, which is caused by this false gospel of carnal Christianity promulgated from so many pulpits! They say: “Just as long as you have made a decision, just so long as you have walked the aisle and gave the preacher your hand, or have joined the church-or even if you have held up your hand to be prayed for or said the sinner’s prayer-now all is well and you are sure of heaven, no matter what kind of life you live along the way.” And the power of sin is not broken, so you give vent to the old nature because you can’t help yourself! Oh what false foundations poor souls stand upon, not knowing that Christ has never been laid in their hearts as the chief cornerstone, and the power of God has never worked in their hearts.

Their Opinions Are All Wrong

2 “For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 “Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; - II Timothy 3:2-4

But these 10 words and expressions are not all that are given here to describe the unsaved carnal Christian. There are more, and we would describe them as: their opinions are all wrong. Yes, since their behavior is all wrong, then their opinions are wrong.

First, their opinion of themselves. II Timothy 3:2 says, they are “boasters”-boasting of what they do and what they are. The word describes them as being conceited, swell-headed, self-applauding, self-flattering, and vain glorious. All of this the world loves and applauds, but it is just the opposite of the Christ-like spirit which is humble, contrite, self-emptying, and which looks upon others as being better than oneself.

Then they have wrong opinions because they are “proud.” The word haughty is fitting here, for it describes those who look upon others who are humble as beneath their consideration, even beneath their notice. Let us remember that the Holy Spirit is not describing the world here, but those who have embraced Christianity and say they are saved, but who by word and deed deny the power of the true Gospel to save them. What an awful state to be in. These poor, deceived souls are “ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” that they are helpless, lost, guilty sinners before God. They are ever reading books, tracts, and pamphlets about the Christian or “Spirit-filled life”; and they are ever reading about how to overcome depression, worry and anger, and how to get along with people; but nothing ever works in their lives because they have never come to the knowledge of the truth that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (I Peter 5:5). They do not know that they stand guilty before God as helpless, hell-deserving sinners.

They are for ever going here and there, searching out this truth, looking into that group, trying such and such a method, hearing this or that preacher, and learning all that is new in prophecy, but are never able to come to the knowledge that all their trouble stems from a heart and will that is hard, unbroken and stubborn! They are building their house upon sinking sand and know nothing about Christ the Chief Cornerstone, being laid in their hearts. These have never been regenerated by the power of the Holy Spirit; they have never been born again into the family of God. Oh what an awful thing, my friend, to have it said of you that you are “ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth”!

Next, their opinions are all wrong because they are described as “highminded.” They are eaten up with self-esteem, bloated with self-importance. Their lives, like the Pharisee in Luke 18, is “I, I, I, I, I”! Yes, five times in two verses the Pharisee declared the high opinion he had of himself. His whole life was centered around self, and not around Christ. Just so are the lives of those who are deceived by the false gospel of carnal Christianity. Their lives are self-centered and not Christ-centered. Everything they do or say is calculated to bring attention to self.

Then the opinion of these deceived souls about others is expressed as: “despisers of those that are good.” They are against, even despise, those who live godly in Christ Jesus, who take seriously and desire to put into practice the things spoken of in Philippians 4:8, “Brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things.” Yes, it is strange but true: those who live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. And from whom?-from religious professors who have never been saved, but have only a form of godliness. Do you know why? Because the life of a godly man or woman condemns the ungodly; the mere sight of them becomes a rebuke to their ungodliness. Sinfulness cannot abide such saintliness. This hatred of the good is born within them, and can only be removed by the new birth.

Personal Application

But those who are born of God are just the opposite, for one of the marks of the true child of God is love-love for the brethren. “We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren” (I John 3:14). Again, “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God” (I John 4:7).

Have you been given a new heart whereby you are enabled to love God and your neighbor? Or are you caught up in this false gospel of carnal Christianity that allows you to go on producing these fruits of the flesh in the name of religion? Surely the Holy Spirit has given us a mirror in which to look from II Timothy 3. My prayer for you who are deceived by this false gospel, has been that as you look, you will see your picture, and by the grace of God will hear God’s Word, “from such turn away;” and that you will turn to God in repentance.

If you see yourself to have been deceived, ask God to illuminate your understanding so you will know yourself to be a guilty sinner before Him? Then, as He illuminates your heart with the light of the glorious Gospel of Christ, you will be humiliated before God as you see yourself as God has seen you all the while. Then all boastings will be gone, and you will begin to cry that God will clothe you in the righteousness of Christ. Also, as the Holy Spirit works in you to show you your heart in illumination, and to bring you t humiliation before Him, He will give you a detestation for yourself and sin. Not only will He give you a hatred for sin, but a longing to be freed from its power and tyranny. And then, praise His name, by His power He will bring in transformation, as the heart turns by faith to embrace the blessed Lord Jesus Christ in all of His work of redemption. Yes, by the power of the blood of Christ your life will then be transformed, and will show it in true repentance.

Repentance is to leave The sins we loved before,
And show that we in earnest grieve, By doing so no more.

May the Holy Spirit work God’s gracious and glorious salvation in you by His almighty power, giving you new desires, new hopes, new ambitions, and a new life! (II Cor 5:17).

Muslims

2008-08-17T17:01:00.001-07:00

Thoughts.com Blogs - Muslims

Muslims

Much has been said about the Terrorist muslims.
This is not acceptable.
I would like to reiterate that Muslims are not allowed to take their own lives nor anyone elses.

Quran 4:29-30

004.029
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! Eat not up your property among yourselves in vanities: But let there be amongst you Traffic and trade by mutual good-will: Nor kill (or destroy) yourselves: for verily Allah hath been to you Most Merciful!
PICKTHAL: O ye who believe! Squander not your wealth among yourselves in vanity, except it be a trade by mutual consent, and kill not one another. Lo! Allah is ever Merciful unto you.
SHAKIR: O you who believe! do not devour your property among yourselves falsely, except that it be trading by your mutual consent; and do not kill your people; surely Allah is Merciful to you.

004.030
YUSUFALI: If any do that in rancour and injustice,- soon shall We cast them into the Fire: And easy it is for Allah.
PICKTHAL: Whoso doeth that through aggression and injustice, we shall cast him into Fire, and that is ever easy for Allah.
SHAKIR: And whoever does this aggressively and unjustly, We will soon cast him into fire; and this is easy to Allah.

Those that kill innocent people, specially the old, women and Children in ANY way is not supposed to be called muslims!
They are Khafir!

The Umariyya Covenant

2008-08-17T16:59:00.001-07:00

Thoughts.com Blogs - The Umariyya Covenant

The Umariyya Covenant
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Beneficent. This is what the slave of Allah, Umar b.Al-Khattab, the Amir of the believers, has offered the people of Illyaa’ of security granting them Amaan (protection) for their selves, their money, their churches, their children, their lowly and their innocent, and the remainder of their people. Their churches are not to be taken, nor are they to be destroyed, nor are they to be degraded or belittled, neither are their crosses or their money, and they are not to be forced to change their religion, nor is any one of them to be harmed. No Jews are to live with them in Illyaa’ and it is required of the people of Illyaa’ to pay the Jizya, like the people of the cities. It is also required of them to remove the Romans from the land; and whoever amongst the people of Illyaa’ that wishes to depart with their selves and their money with the Romans, leaving their trading goods and children behind, then their selves, their trading goods and their children are secure until they reach their destination. Upon what is in this book is the word of Allah, the covenant of His Messenger, of the Khulafaa’ and of the believers if they (the people of Illyaa’) gave what was required of them of Jizya. The witnesses upon this were Khalid ibn Al-Walid, 'Amr ibn al-'As, Abdur Rahman bin Awf and Muawiyah ibn Abi Sufyan. Written and passed on the 15th year (after Hijrah)

We might have progressed in terms of industry, health, science , etc., but how do we fare as HUMANS? as People? All that I am asking is for ALL people of ALL religions to come together and Denounce terrorism and hatred towards one another for good.

Songs for my Bebe..... You're still the one

2008-08-17T00:47:00.001-07:00

(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.)

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

Bridge:
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

Chorus:
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

(Bridge)
(Chorus)
(Chorus)

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby

Songs for my Bebe..... You're still the one

2008-08-17T00:47:00.000-07:00

Are You Speaking Evil, Telling Dirty Jokes, and Gossiping?

2008-08-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

Are You Speaking Evil, Telling Dirty Jokes, and Gossiping?

By Darlene Osborne, Publisher

What's Coming Out of Your Mouth?

darlene@christianmagazine.org

Or Click Here to Send Your Comments

If you’re like me, you can’t help but notice that there are a lot of miserable Christians in this world. They hate their jobs. They hate their lives. And, although they profess to be Christians, their prayers aren’t being answered. They never seem to have a good day and they’re always sick.

We have all seen Christians like this. And although they could, most will never do anything about their misery and unhappiness. If they would only seek the face of God they could walk out of their misery into victory. But, for some reason they would rather murmur and complain than pick up a bible and search it for answers. If they did search it for answers they’d find out that most of their misery and unhappiness starts with what is coming out of their mouths.

What is coming out of your mouth? Is your mouth getting you into trouble with God? Let’s not end up like those I mentioned above. Let’s study these scriptures (1^st Peter 3:10-12) to see how our mouths can get us into trouble and how obeying God’s Word will get us out!

Refrain from Speaking Evil

1^st Peter 3:10

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile.

As you can see from reading this verse what we say is of the utter most importance. If we want to live happy, healthy lives, we need to stay aware of what is coming out of our mouths. Many may not realize it but what we say has a lot to do with the way we feel. If you’re always having a bad day and don’t ever feel well, maybe its because evil communication is coming out of your mouth. (See also Ephesians 4:29)

Let’s say for instance, you’re telling dirty jokes to your friends and family, even your coworkers. This is evil communication and its wrong. It’s wrong because it opens the door for more evil communication. Others will go tell the same joke you told them and it just keeps on going. Same way with emails. If you get a dirty email and you forward it to your friends and your friends in turn forwards it to their friends, it just keeps on going. Pretty soon that email has come full circle right back to you. See how easy it is to communicate evil.

You may say, well, I never tell a dirty joke. That’s well and good. But, do you speak evil of people? Do you make remarks that you know isn’t right? Do you get in on the gossip at church? Are you one of the first ones to say, guess what I heard? Well, this is just as bad as telling a dirty joke. Sin is sin. And sin will take you to hell. But not only will sin take you to hell, it will make you miserable here on earth. Don’t expect to feel good and enjoy life when you’re hanging out with the devil everyday.

Remember…

If you’re having a bad day, maybe it was something you said. Remember the verse above. If you want to love life and see good days, speak no evil! Your words will either make or break your day!

Another thing, maybe if some of you would quit hanging out with satan, you’d quit talking like him! Just a thought!

Avoid Evil

1^st Peter 3:11

Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.

The above verse tells us that we need to eschew evil. Eschew simply means to ‘avoid’. We need to avoid evil at all costs. If all your best friend does is talk about people, murmur and complain about everything and everyone, you need to avoid them. I don’t care if they are your best friend. The bible tells us to abstain from the very appearance of evil. (1^st Thessalonians 5:22)

If you have gossiping friends and you choose to hang out with them, it will effect your walk with the Lord more than you think.

Remember…

If you hang out with the wrong crowd, you’re going to start talking and acting like the wrong crowd.

We Need To Do Good

The above verse also tells us to do good. If you know someone who is sick offer to wash their dishes or help them with their shopping. Maybe you need to visit someone in the hospital. Just do something nice for someone. Acts 10:38 tells us that Jesus went about doing good. So, that means we need to be out and about doing good! We all need to be about our Father’s business just as Jesus was. (Luke 2:49)

Be a Peacemaker

Nothing is more aggravating and more draining than being around a bunch of folks who fight and bicker all the time. They’re the same ones I have been talking about throughout this article. All they do is murmur and complain about everything. You’ll have to agree that these types of people are never happy. They’re always upset about something and stay in constant turmoil. Well, God doesn’t want us to be in turmoil. He wants us to be at peace.

Matthew 5:9 says it best.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Remember…

If you want to be called a Child of God, walk in peace and be a peacemaker.

Do You Want Your Prayers Answered?

Of course, we all do! Well then, let’s find out how!

1^st Peter 3:12

For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

Brothers and sisters if you’re constantly talking down on others, the face of God is against you. If you want God to watch over you and you want His ears open unto your prayers, watch what you say. When you talk down on others you’re not only hurting them; you’re hurting yourself as well. Our own lives are greatly impacted by what we say about others.

Remember…

We learned in verse 10, We can make or break our day by what we say.

In Closing,

If you’re having a bad day today, think about it, did you say something bad about someone? Did you speak evil against that person? Were you involved in foolish jesting, such as telling dirty jokes etc.? If so, stop right here and now, and repent. Your day will go a lot better and your future will be much brighter! Don’t give place to the devil. If you give him a place he’ll move in!

Gossiping

2008-08-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

What’s Wrong With Gossip?

By Dr. Dale A. Robbins
All scripture is quoted from the New International Version.

Romans 1:28 “Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.
1:29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips,
1:30 Slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;
1:31 they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.
1:32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these things but also approve of those who practice them.”

In the scripture above, the Apostle Paul paints a grim picture of reprobates -- those who have rejected the Lord and have embraced a lifestyle of sin. He makes it clear that God condemns such evil behavior. “They persist in doing these things, knowing that those who do such things deserve death” (Rom 1:32).

As Paul described this evil conduct, we might expect to find mention of such vile things as greed, deceit, adultery, murder and so forth. But please take note of the other inclusions -- especially the mention of “gossip and slander.” Does this come as a surprise? Paul said that gossips and bad-mouthers were in the same league as murderers, sexual perverts, and God haters -- and that such sins were worthy of a death sentence!

“Slander” is a word that has an interesting origin. It comes from the word “Devil.” According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, slander means “malicious talk; to spread damaging information; to defame; to speak ill of.” Is it no wonder where slander derives it’s name? Slander is the work of the Devil, and those who slander are on his team. In fact the Bible says that Satan is called the “accuser of the brethren” (Rev. 12:10). Are you an accuser of the brethren too? If so, even though it may not be your intention, you are being used an agent of the Devil! According to scripture, any Christian who’s mouth is out of control does not have a right relationship with God. “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

“Gossip” is derived from the idea of “whispering.” According to the same dictionary, “gossip” means “To indulge in idle talk or rumors about others; spreading of sensational stories.” Funk and Wagnals dictionary defines it as “Idle, or malicious talk about others.” As we can see, gossip is a close cousin to slander, and God’s Word places both in the same cupboard as murder and other wickedness -- sins worthy of death.

Let me ask, as a Christian do you occasionally slip up and commit a murder here or there? Or how about theft -- do you occasionally burglarize a home or steal things from the store? You may think this is silly to ask. Of course, a Christian lifestyle doesn’t behave that way. But how about gossip or slander? Do you engage in idle talk or rumors about others? Do you participate in bad-mouthing or spreading rumors about others? According to the Bible, which sin is less severe? Murder or gossip? I’m sure you get the message. Paul said, BOTH are sins equally worthy of death.

The Apostle Peter, also used murder as a comparison with another, sometimes under-rated sin. “But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters” (1 Peter 4:15). Notice that a “busybody” is placed in the same company as “murderers, thieves, and evildoers.” The dictionary defines a busybody as “a meddler; a person who seeks confidential information about others; a snoop; a nosy person.”

A busybody is another close relative to gossip -- a person who meddles in the affairs of others. They are like a peeping-tom who snoops and spies. A busybody is the investigator for the gossips and rumormongers, seeking to uncover sensational details and to whisper the latest news. Sometimes busybodies are persons who have too much time on their hands, with nothing better to do than to talk too much. “Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to” (1 Tim. 5:13).

Not Just a Little Bad Habit

By now I’m sure that you realize that anything which is placed in the same category as murder must be a serious sin -- something that should not be taken lightly. But unfortunately, Christians do not usually consider gossip and it’s related activity as sin.

In over two decades of ministry, I’ve encountered scores of Christians who don’t seem to think gossip is wrong -- who are obsessed as busybodies, gossips, and bad-mouthers, and have caused irreparable damage to the body of Christ. I could fill books with the stories of anguish and grief inflicted to hapless victims. “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts” (Prov. 26:22). Mean, vicious accusations and rumors have ripped out the heart and soul of many fellow Christians and leaders, draining them of their love, enthusiasm, and their desire to live for God. It has split churches, created strife, and promoted division and turmoil. “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Prov. 26:22).

Sadly, some have said that “the Church” is the only army that kills its wounded. Regrettably, this has sometimes been true. Brothers who have needed our love, forgiveness and encouragement have been mutilated by gossip and evil talk. Is it no wonder that gossip is equal to murder? It is nothing less than verbal rape and assassination.

What we must realize is, gossip is more than a little bad habit. Gossip is wicked and sinful -- a seething disease of corruption from the mouth. Gossips use their mouth as a weapon -- a weapon which is always aimed at people to fulfill Satan’s desires to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10). “With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor” (Prov. 11:9). Gossip is an enemy to God and everything called holy -- a cancer which spreads a deadly infection to the body of Christ. Not only did Paul place a gossip in the same league with murderers and sexual deviates, but Jesus warned that for those who would offend his little ones, it would be better for them to be bound with a millstone and drowned in the sea (Mark 9:42). Surely, a harsh and horrible punishment awaits those unrepentant gossips who harm followers of Jesus.

How to recognize Gossip

Gossip is one of the most dangerous sins because it is so subtle and ambiguous -- many are unable to recognize it. Be on alert against gossip whenever you hear of “secret information” being circulated, or if you hear anyone else’s name is used in a conversation. Gossip exists whenever persons “talk about others” in less than a favorable way. The root of gossip is negativeness, judgementalism, slander, etc. Avoid associating with people who gossip “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (Prov. 20:19). You probably remember the old saying: “If you can’t say something good about others, don’t say anything at all.” Wise advice if you wish to avoid sin.

Gossip often masquerades as “concern” for others. Rumors or gossip will seem more palatable if they first hide behind a pretentious expression of concern. “I hate to say anything about this to you, but I’m ’concerned’ about so and so.” At other times the gossiper will seek you out as their “confidante” to unload their “heavy heart” about their concerns. “I’m very troubled about so and so and I don’t know who else to talk to about it.” In reality, the gossip is not sincerely concerned about solving the problem, only in talking about it -- stirring it up. “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Prov. 16:28). A gossip thrives on the negative, the controversial, and the sensational. Any person who is genuinely concerned about solving a problem, will go and privately confront the person at the source and express their concern. Or else they should go privately to the pastor so he will do it.

The gossip is like a spider looking for a prey to lure into their trap of gossiping. They may confide to you secrets or their private concerns about other people. Perhaps in consolement, you may express your half-hearted agreement with their concerns, or you may even be enticed to confide your secret concerns to them. Consequently, the gossip will eventually repeat the process with someone else -- but next time, they will add your name as an endorsement of their private “issue,” and will eventually even disclose the secrets you shared to them. And on and on it goes.

There are times when people need to confide their own problems with a friend in the Lord. But avoid revealing anything to a person who gossips -- they can’t be trusted. “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Prov. 11:13).

Things to Remember about Gossip

Gossip is as sinful as murder and will suffer the same consequences unless there is repentance (Rom. 1:32).

God holds you accountable to your words (Matt. 12:36-37).

The person who gossips to you about others, also gossips to others about you.

Gossip & slander disqualifies persons for spiritual leadership (1 Tim. 3:11, Jas. 3:2).

Gossip often masks as pretentious concerns for others.

Gossip often thrives upon secrecy. Where secrecy is removed, gossip is hampered.

Gossip always contributes to a problem and never to a solution.

Gossip always distorts and exaggerates, and is never a reliable source of truth.

Those who gossip & slander are not in right fellowship with God (Rom. 1:28-32).

Those who gossip rarely get answers to prayer, and often face persistent, unexplainable problems (Psalms 66:18, Prov. 21:23, Prov. 6:12-15).
What to do about Gossip

If you have been a gossiper, confess this as sin and ask Christ to forgive you. “Repent” by turning in a new direction and surrendering your tongue to Christ, not to gossip or bad-mouth again (1 John 1:9, 1 Cor. 7:10).

Keep your nose out of other people’s business.

If you can’t say something good or encouraging about others, then keep your mouth shut (Eph. 4:29).

Never criticize another person, except to their own face with an intent to help. Criticism can never be “constructive” if expressed to anyone else.

If your “friends” start bad-mouthing others to you, stop them in their tracks -- refuse to be a partaker of their sins (1 Tim 5:22).

Avoid association with persons who gossip (Prov. 20:19).

Expose works of darkness by reporting gossip to the pastor that he may confront and offer correction. Gossip should be treated as any other vile sin (Eph. 5:11).

“I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence” (Psalms 39:1).

My Boo!

2008-08-09T21:09:00.001-07:00

[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]

Ode To Thalia

2008-08-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt loved before?
A lot of people would ask, " What is Love?"
Would it be the butterflies in your stomach when you see your loved one?
Wold it be the "Kilig" feel whenever he looks your way?
Or is it the mere fact that you just wanna share lazy sunday afternoons with?
Well let me tell you a story... actually

Not a day Goes by that I don't think about it.
What it means to be happy. I see it all around me.
Men and women basking in happiness to be with one another.
On occasion, I see that love can survive in all possible situations
and combinations. It just makes me wonder, that's all.

There is this man named Michael. He has been different
from others his whole life. Different because of his sexual
orientation. He remained isolated and lonely for a long time.
While others were out there exploring life, love and sex, he
remained alone, desperately struggling with his sexuality.
He had shameful urges that he kept suppressed. He never
acted upon them. When he was twenty, he met a woman
named Rachel. She was beautiful, she was feisty, wild and spirited.
He was a gentle, shy person. They became friends. He confided in her.
She knew what he was. After years of friendship, he saw her in a different light.
She did have all the qualities he wanted in a significant other and proposed. They got married. Children were born to them. Twins. Rachel knows about her husband. She knows he loves her and she understands his needs. So once in awhile, she lets him go to satisfy them.

They are still together after almost two decades and are still intimate both physically and emotionally.
Love knows no bounds.

There is another tale.

A tale of a wild man named Dave. He was skirt-chaser of the worst caliber. He had a best friend named Cecilia. Cecilia had loved Dave since they were little. Dave was always attracted to the wrong kind of woman. One day, he bit more than he could chew.
A vengeful woman falsely accused him of a heinous crime and he would have gone down
hadn't it been for Cecilia who stood by him and proved his innocence. The same night
he was freed, he came to thank her. That night he realized who he was supposed to be with. Not just some pretty face but the person who stood by him the whole time.
His beloved Cecilia. They made love that night. Thirty years, six kids and eight grandchildren later they are still together.

Another tale is that of a woman named Gina.

Gina was a pretty girl. All the boys were wild around her. She loved the attention she got from men. Her best friend was Janet. Janet was a plain-looking girl. Also, a very lonely person. Janet and Gina were very different. Gina had it all from day one. She became a model. She made lots of money. She married a man and she had a kid. Her man died in an accident. Gina grieved but eventually moved on. One day, a vicious
rival of hers, a woman named Cassie tried to kill Gina and Janet stood bravely before her and protected her best friend with her body. Janet took the bullet meant for Gina.
Gina went to the hospital and sat by, watching her beloved friend as she fought for her life. She survived. Gina moved the recovering Janet into her condo and it was there that Janet confessed to loving Gina for decades, more than a friend. Although she had some misgivings, Gina moved eventually realized she felt the same way about her friend. They got married a year later.

The final tale is that of a man named Dwight.

Dwight was a big, burly man. He looked like an athlete but he was a poet. He was friends with Ketiana. Ketiana was the girl next door. A beautiful girl. They were friends since the eight grade and through high school. They went to the same college.
Ketiana dated lots of interesting men and Dwight met his share of women. But
the one he wanted was the one he could not have, Ketiana. He was always there for her and she was there for him. Best friends. But they were never more than that.....until the day a log fell on Dwight and he almost died. That's when in a delirious state he confessed his true feelings to Ketiana. Ketiana was shocked. She had always liked Dwiwght but never that way. She was conflicted. Dwight recovered from his injuries and went home. He was thankful to be alive. Back in the hospital, Ketiana had told him her plans of moving in with her current boyfriend. He was happy for her. He wanted her to be happy because she was his friend and a good person. Her happiness mattered to him a whole lot. Imagine his surprise when he came home to find her there.
Ketiana looked at the man she had called her friend for two decades. She had spent a lot of time thinking and now she realized that the man she wanted, the one she sought to embrace in all these others had been right under her nose all along. That night,
Dwight and Ketiana shared a bed, and more. Much more, they began to share the rest
of their lives.

This is it.

I have seen these tales unfold. Whenever I am alone, and that is fairly often, these tales give me hope. Hope that someday the love that I have right now is for keeps... I love you Thalia

Wanna Send and Receive money from the states?

2008-08-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

ALERTPAY
This is an alternative to PAYPAL and other online payment systems

PEACE AT LAST!

2008-08-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hay at last natapos na din ang "WAR" namin ng mga biyenan ko..
Buti naman. Sana di na kami magkaproblema. Sana smooth sailing na from here on. Communication lang talaga siguro ang issue. Well, anyways, I pray that someday maayos na lahat ng mga issues.

P.S
My shemeneneng loves willie revillame's yugyug mo and giling giling.. what gives?? :D
hahahaha....

Buhay ni ( Life of ) Chill, Thalia at Alena Anolin

Moving on after a Break-up

Betrayal of Trust..How to let go and move on when someone you trusted burns you bad.

Effects of betrayal

BUHAY NI CHILL THALIA AT ALENA.... WALA NA....

Nice song...

We'll never know.....

New Gout Drugs - Pegloticase Continues Its Hopeful Path

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

When is there a grievance?

Other monetary benefits

Other monetary benefits

Muslim holidays

HOLIDAY PAY

HOLIDAY PAY

MATERNITY BENEFITS

Lack of sleep may be deadly, research shows

Are you The Dangerous Kind ?

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MOM!

SIOPAO PARA SA MGA MAHILIG SA SIOPAO.. CALLING MIKE!!

Wonderful Vinegar

WOODSTOVE PLANS

Songs for my bebe---- Sayo lamang

Proposed Divorce Law in the Philippines

Computation of pay for holidays: Regular, special non-working, special working

Get Rid of Mosquitos: The Homemade Style

Homemade No Cook Cat Food

LOVE LADDER--- A Love story

APARTMENT HUNTING AT IT'S FINEST!

Gheebah (Gossip, Backbiting)

The Evils of Backbiting Sheikh Muhammad Ismâ`îl al-Sayyid Ahmad

The Evils of Backbiting Sheikh Muhammad Ismâ`îl al-Sayyid Ahmad

How a Musim defends his brother's honor?

Backbiting & Slander - an Islamic perspective

The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

Chapter 6The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions

“Dead Faith”

Fruit of the True Gospel

Their Behavior Is All Wrong

Their Opinions Are All Wrong

Personal Application

Muslims

The Umariyya Covenant

Songs for my Bebe..... You're still the one

Songs for my Bebe..... You're still the one

Are You Speaking Evil, Telling Dirty Jokes, and Gossiping?

Gossiping

My Boo!

Ode To Thalia

Wanna Send and Receive money from the states?

PEACE AT LAST!

Chapter 6
The False Gospel: No Change in Behavior or Opinions